Twin Peaks: The Return, Episodes 3 and 4

This is still so confusing.

Real Coop is trapped with a red-dressed Silent Hill reject in an in-between space separating the Red Lodge from the real world. Something threatening chases them around. The numbers 3 and 15 seem to be significant. Electric outlets also seem to be important. Evil Coop is driving. Another Coop is in an abandoned house with a hooker.

Seriously, there's a third Coop?

At 3:15 Evil Coop is supposed to return to the Red Lodge through his car's cigarette lighter (yep, I am not making this up), but he manages to circumvent the mechanism but sticking his hand in his mouth. As a result the third Coop is sucked into the Red Lodge through an electric outlet, minus his shoes. He turns into a golden snitch and the Fire Walk With Me ring drops onto the floor.

And that's not even the weirdest thing that happens.

Good Coop materializes thought the houses electric outlet, minus his shoes. The hooker takes care of him (no, not that way), gives him Third Coop's shoes, and takes him to a casino in her badass yellow Jeep Wrangler (the color yellow seems to be important, not sure why). He still has his Room 315 key in his pocket, and he narrowly escapes an assassination attempt when it drops to the floor and he bends to pick it up.

Third Coop had enemies, it appears.

Good Coop proceeds to win all the coin slot jackpots in the Casino. The owner eventually kicks him out with his winnings and he takes a limo to Third Coop's home. Third Coop's wife greets him angrily, but is appeased when she sees all the money. She's happy because now they can pay off whoever is trying to kill Third Coop. Wait, isn't Third Coop a golden marble now? I guess Good Coop is now Third Coop.

This is giving me a headache.

Oh, there's also a kid who had a birthday party.

Something, something at the FBI.

Then we are back in Twin Peaks where they are investigating something having to do with chocolate bunnies. Lucy and Andy's kid shows up. he's weird.

The End.

Is this good? I honestly have no idea. The In-Between Space scenes were really cool. I loved the eyeless lady in the red dress, but she died.

That's happening to most of the new characters. Coop Three's wife is intriguing to I expect her to bite it in the next episode. The hooker was kind of cool and she survived, which was very surprising. I think that was because Lynch needed her to drive Good Coop to the casino, though. Otherwise she would've kicked the bucket too.

The use of color is interesting, what with all the reds and yellows. I loved the use of the electric outlets.

But what else is there? I'm not feeling any of the new characters. Evil Coop is just one-dimensionally evil. Good Coop just looks confused (not that he doesn't have a right to, but, still, it's not very interesting). The investigators are just sitting around chatting. I miss the Chihuahua Lady (please don't die Dog Lady, I love you).

What the is happening? I'm going to be very disappointed if this ends up as a big battle between Good Coop and Evil Coop.

Twin Peaks: The Return, Episodes 1 and 2

So confused.

I totally fangirled when the theme came on. I was afraid they'd use new music, but, no they kept the old theme and Laura's pic and it was perfect. They even had the log lady on. *sniff*

Then we got flannel shirts and pick-up trucks and pine trees and I was nodding along like, yes. But then we switched to Manhattan, and there was a glass cage and a creepy guy who likes lattes and a pretty girl and was all "don't trust him, Tracy, he drinks lattes."

Never trust a guy who drinks flavored hot milk. Red flag right there.

Then the Chihuahua Lady showed up and there was a gross corpse and a murder mystery, which was confusing because why are we in South Dakota?

Don't get me wrong. I think South Dakota is real creepy, but, you know, where are the pine trees and the cherry pies? And why is Ashley Judd in this show?

Then Evil Agent Cooper shows up with a mullet and a spray tan (is BOB in the spray tan? is that going to be the big reveal?) and a gang, and 'm all, what?

But then there's a coffee reference and everything is okay again. And we go back to Twin Peaks and Hawk is there and Lucy and Andy, and I'm cheering.

Then Evil Agent Cooper starts killing people, and we are in the Red Room with Good Agent Cooper and some craptastic special effects (the arm is a tree now? and it has an evil twin brother too?) and Laura shows up and then she takes her face off...

It's all very cool, visually speaking, but I'm not sure where we're headed with all of this.

I don't really care about any of the new characters. They all keep dying just as I start getting attached (alas, Phyllis, I hardly knew ya). The music is fantastic, but there's not enough of it. I love the suspense and the creepy visuals but at this point I don't really care about any of these new people.

Latte Boy and Latte Girl bought it, and I was all, yep that's what happens to latte drinkers I warned ya. Only black coffee drinkers make it in Lynchlandia.

I'm on the fence about this one, I admit.

I guess there will be an Evil Agent Cooper vs. Good Agent Cooper showdown at the end, but I'm not feeling too emotionally invested in it. And there doesn't really seem to be a mystery. We know BOB is now Evil Agent Cooper and we know he's causing all the deaths, so...where's the beef, Mr. Lynch? Is there going to be a big twist in the future? Laura got sucked out of the Red Room, so is she going to show up in the "real" world killing people now? I could go for that.

I dunno. We'll see how this goes.

Hallmark Movie Review -- A Ring by Spring

Management consulting, fortune telling, and bowling. Who could resist this movie? Not me, that's for sure. For one, I love Rachel Boston. She's one of my favorite actress. Also, I love fortune teller tropes (I have a fortune teller heroine in Fortune Favors the Witch).

The plot is fairly simple. Caryn Briggs is a successful management consultant with a steady boyfriend. She meets a fortune teller (the fabulous Stephanie Powers wearing what appears to be a Pier 1 rug on her head) who tells her that she'll have a ring by spring or she'll never get married. Caryn laughs off the prophecy, but starts to worry when her boyfriend unceremoniously dumps her.

Maybe she really isn't marriage material. We know otherwise because her handsome new client, Tom, has his eye on her, but we must have a plot, right?

The movie is cute and funny and full of Hallmark's trademark "glamour of the ordinary" moments. Caryn has an adorable ranch house, a VW beetle, and an enviable LOFT wardrobe. Her parents are loving and supportive (their Downsizer's Special bungalow is not bad either). Her handsome new client has a logistics company with funny employees and an adorable elderly father with a bowling addiction. Hallmark is a welcome oasis in a TV world where waitresses have expensive Brooklyn lofts and NYPD detectives have designer coats and Hampton summer homes. They make the accessible desirable.

My one pet peeve is that the movie drones on and on. It's too long (seriously, I did four loads of laundry while it was on. FOUR.). Caryn's worries about her marriageability start getting annoying. She's Rachel Boston, for Pete's sake. Of course, she's freaking marriageable. She's obsessed with the topic. She discusses it with her friends ad nauseum. She talks about it with her long-suffering parents in at least three scenes. She ignores Tom and starts reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend. By mid-movie, you really want to knock some sense into her. There's also not enough fortune telling. More Stephanie Powers, please.

Still, it's a very watchable movie with great sets and wardrobe and adorable leads. Very much worth your while.

All pictures belong to Hallmark Channel.

Movie Review: Hallmark's Stranded in Paradise (Plus Puerto Rico Vacation Tips!)

I loved this movie! Seriously, what's not to love? It's cute and funny, and it's set in Puerto Rico. Perfection.

The plot is pretty basic. Type-A career gal Tess gets fired from her human resources job so she goes to a conference in Puerto Rico to see if she can land a new one. When she gets to the island she meets a handsome travel journalist, Carter, who gets her to relax and have fun. They get hit by a hurricane (and a hotel fire, and a whole bunch of unfortunate incidents) and kind of fall in love.

The movie makes Puerto Rico look fabulous. Whoever ran this movie shot did a great job making it look authentic. They got everything right. The only detail they got wrong was the use of a vintage Ford truck. Puerto Rico was actually much poorer than Cuba in the fifties, so there aren't any vintage 50s and 60s automobiles in the island. Our vintage rides are VW Beetles and Datsuns from the 70s. That was the only oopsie, though. Everything else, down to the weather broadcasts and coffee urns looked perfect. There's majestic beach shots, and plena dancing, and piraguas. Veteran telenovela actress, Gladys Rodriguez, plays the friendly local lady who gives them a place to stay after their hotel catches fire.

The actors are adorable together and Gladys (I can call her by her first name, because I practically grew up watching her on TV. Her Rebecca-inspired novela, La Sombra de Belinda, is one of my favorite telenovelas of all time.) was hilarious and sweet. I loved this movie. Highly recommended.

PS. Did you love this movie too? Do you want to recreate Tess' gorgeous Puerto Rico vacation? Check out the Isla Verde Marriott Courtyard hotel (similar to the hotel she stays in, except for the fact that it's never caught fire), Old San Juan's El Convento (they dance in front of this gorgeous but rather pricey hotel) or Numero Uno Guest House (or the Tres Palmas Inn) in Ocean Park (similar to Stella's house). Go to Old San Juan for piraguas and Piñones for the beach experience. Have breakfast at Kasalta in Ocean Park (cortadito and mallorca), have lunch at Raíces in Old San Juan or Soleil in Piñones, and dine at Pamela's in Ocean Park (it's part of the Numero Uno Guest House). Enjoy!

Sink Your Teeth Into Shark Shifter Paranormal Romance (A Special #SharkWeek Post)

I love Shark Week. Yes, I know the shows are not exactly scientifically correct, but they're funny and cute. They're also mildly educational. Yesterday, I learned a new word: "chumsicle." Cool, uh? It's kind of useless though. You wouldn't see a word like that in a romance novel.

Or would you?

I did some searching and found a bunch of shark-themed romance novels out there. Some are adventurous and others are paranormal, but they all look like fun. So, in honor of #SharkWeek (and the upcoming Sharknado 3), here's a list of the best (only?) shark-themed romance books in Amazon.

And maybe one of them has a chumsicle.

Stranded With Her Ex by Jill Sorenson. This is a steamy category romance Biologist Daniela Flores clashes with her ex, shark expert Sean Carmichael during a perilous research expedition in the exotic Farallon Islands. Second chance romance, killer sharks and baby sea lions. Can you resist this romance? No.

Touching Paradise (Shark Shifter Paranormal Book 1) by Cleo Peitsche. Billionaire shark shifter. Permafree. Nuff said.

The Deepest Ocean (Eden Series Book 2) by Marian Perera. Fantasy Romance where the heroine is telepathically linked to her pet Great White Shark. The Smart Bitches review says it all: "...if you don't want to read a book about a woman who has a pet Great White Shark you are dead to me."

Love Bites (A BWWM Shark Shifter Romance) by Jane Rowe. A swimmer is rescued by a sexy lifeguard who is more than he seems. I seriously love this title and it appears that there is a shark vs. squids battle (Maybe even giant squids?). Definitely one-click material.

Love Across Waters (A BWWM Paranormal Shark Shifter Romance) by PK Greenford. Swim team captain with a secret. The Amazon reviews are full of shark puns and now I want to buy the book just so I can write a review with the phrase "has some bite to it" in it.

I already read Stranded With Her Ex (yes, I love marine biologist romance) and liked it very much. I just picked up Touching Paradise and will likely pick up Love Bites and Love Across Waters (I find the punny reviews intriguing) as well. How about you? Were you tempted by my shark romance chumsicle? (He, he, I got to use the word.)

Now I'm off to google shark cryptids. There must be something out there that my PRoVE guys would like to search for. C'mon, you want to read about Caine's bathing trunks, you know you do.

If you know of any other shark-themed romances, leave a comment. I'm always looking for more chum. :)

Great Writing Advice From Twitter

This made me laugh today.

Be yourself. Unless you can be Jack Sparrow, then be Jack Sparrow.

Link Fiesta

Carolyn Jewel on the first rule of cover design. Spoiler: the author's name should be visible.

Anne Rice's Amazon reviews.

Filing this for a future project: Roma Sub Rosa.

A Day in the Life of a Publisher.

Movie Review: Lifetime's The Twelve Trees of Christmas

This movie should have been called "A Bookworm Christmas." Or maybe "How the Grinch Stole the Library." It's about people who love Christmas, but not as much as they love books.

I loved every single cheesy minute of it.

Cheri (played by Lindy Booth) is the children's librarian at the Shaughnessy Library, which is located somewhere in Manhattan. Or, rather, in a set in Toronto that stands in for Manhattan. Let's call it Canadian Manhattan or CGI Manhattan. Anyway, the historic Shaughnessy Library is going to be demolished and turned into luxury condos and Cheri is devastated.

So she comes up with a scheme to get Mrs. Shaughnessy, the owner of the building, to stop the demolition. The library patrons will all create charming Christmas trees illustrating how important the library (and, by extension, books) is to the community, and Mrs. Shaughnessy will judge the contest. Unfortunately, Mrs. Shaughnessy's son, Tony (played by Robin Dunne) is set on turning the building into rubble. Will Cheri's Christmas tree contest win over Tony and Mrs. Shaughnessy?

Of course it will!

The leads have absolutely no chemistry and the paint-by-numbers plot is a snooze, but the movie is as charming as an off-key caroler. The holiday spirit is everywhere, from Cheri's silly outfits to the holly draped sets. The wood-paneled library is adorable. I wish I worked there.

It truly is a Bookworm Christmas. I loved it.