Witches of East End Recap - Season 2 - Episode 7

Frederick’s bedroom. Yeay! You know, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be looking at Frederick’s abs, but instead I’m thinking “nice bed, is it Charles P Rogers?”

Anyway, Frederick is making out with a girl. He unsnaps her bra and immediately has a seizure. Joanna immediately walks. She heals Frederick, who then proceeds to introduce her to his girlfriend. Should I bother memorizing this girl’s name?

I’ll go with no. It’s a very funny scene, though.

Killian’s beach shack. He and Eva are waking up. The set design people are seriously shortchanging Killian. His bedroom furniture is… nonexistent. Eva tries to leave the bed, but he drags her back. When she turns around to tease him, she no longer looks like Eva. She looks like an old woman.

Whoa! I take bag all the jokes I’ve made about Eva’s crappy Spanish spells. I can’t believe they ripped off Carlos Fuentes. This is awesome. Seriously, if you haven’t read Aura, go and buy it right now. Best witch story ever.

Kitchen porn. Joanna confronts Wendy about Frederick’s seizure. Wendy tries to pretend ignorance, but Frederick already spilled the beans. I love this scene. It’s homey and funny.

Frederick and his girlfriend are having dinner in the restaurant. The girl leaves and…Spike shows up?

[intense fangirling pause] [plays Spike/Buffy duet from Once More With Feeling]

Dash goes to the library to visit Ingrid. He invites her to a fancy gala because she deserves a night out.

Back to the kitchen. Wendy receives an invitation to the fancy gala. She decides to go with Freya because they both need a night out.

Oh, this is going to turn out well.

Back to Spike and Frederick. He is working for King/Odin/Grandfather. He’s here to make sure Frederick finishes his mission, which is to find a host for King/Odin/Grandfather. In order to finish his mission Frederick may have to kill some people.

You know, I’m starting to feel real good about my decision to forget the girlfriend’s name.

Spike gives Frederick a potion that will weaken Joanna so they can capture her and take her to Odin/Grandfather.

Joanna is in the dining room and Wendy comes in a rocking leather ensemble. Whoa. Madchen Amick’s body is amazing.

Freya’s bedroom. Love it! You know, I usually can’t stand mustard, but it’s really working here. I wish I could see those armchairs, but, unfortunately, they are covered with clothes. That’s because Freya can’t find anything to wear to the fancy gala. Ingrid comes in with a garment bag. She wants to make sure Freya is okay about Ingrid going out with Dash.

Freya is most definitely not okay.

She tells Ingrid that she thinks something’s wrong with Dash and that he’s done very bad thing. Ingrid is not surprised, which makes Freya turn bitchy. That dress Dash just gave Ingrid, well he gave Freya a couture dress on their second date. So there.

Killian comes out of the shower and finds a message on the bathroom mirror. It warns him to stay away from Eva and to check his phone.

Fancy gala. Wendy and Freya look at the paintings and Wendy is getting a little freaked out. All the paintings look like her. The painter greets them and introduces himself as Ronan, Wendy’s husband.

Frederick brought his girl home to meet Joanna. Cuteness ensues. This scene is great. Very funny. Oh crap, the girlfriend's name is Caroline.

 I learned her name, guys. You know what that means. She’s definitely dead meat.

Ronan and Wendy fight. He wants her back. She’s not interested. Apparently, they’ve been married three times. Yikes!

Spike crashes Joanna’s dinner party. She greets him as a long-lost friend and invites him to stay.

Dash and Ingrid dance and Freya glares at them. Oh, and a gala attendee says that the paintings are hypnotic. I get the feeling that this is important. So remember that: hypnotic.

Dining Room porn. I love Joanna’s green wineglasses. Darn it! Is there a sourcing guide for this show? Anywho, Spike was Victor’s best friend. Spike glares at Frederick, who obediently pours the poison into Joanna’s wineglass.

A gentleman accosts Dash at the party. He’s the blackmailer’s son and he thinks that Dash knows something about his son’s disappearance. And why is he so suspicious you ask? Because Dash and Ingrid left the blackmailer’s car parked near Dash’s house.

Seriously, the stupid, it never ends. Dad has hired a private investigator and is going to get to the bottom of his son’s death.

Killian is in his shack, destroying stuff. He confronts Eva about the spell. I mean why ask the other witches in town for help, amirite? He can handle this own his own. She attacks him with blood magic and he falls to the floor writhing in pain.

I guess Dash is not the only stupid Gardiner brother. But, you know what? In spite of Killian’s idiocy I love this plotline. Eva’s pretty badass and the whole “messages to himself” thing is really creepy.

Back to the Beauchamps dining room. Frederick breaks Joanna’s wineglass before she can drink the poison. I’m not sure why Spike wants to incapacitate Joanna before they find the host. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Gala time. Dash tells Ingrid he got a call from the hospital and leaves.

Freya and Wendy chat. Ronan is a thief and a scammer and he makes Wendy do bad things. He interrupts them and Freya leaves. He notices Wendy’s necklace is now red and tells her that he can help her with that. They kiss.

Eva does some magic with a cigar. She feeds Killian some powder thingy and he’s respelled again. I like the cigar thing. It fits the Santería theme.

Dash follows the blackmailer’s father outside. Dash uses his electric rage power and kills him.

The police show up and Dash acts all contrite about hot being able to help save the blackmailer’s dad during his heart attack. Aw. He didn’t make Ingrid clean up the body this time. What a gentleman.

The gala is over and Ronan and Wendy are making out. No, wait, they’re not. Wendy backs out. She loves Herb Guy. Ronan asks her for some… hair? Oh, he put a piece of Wendy’s hair in each painting because the hair has a piece of soul. That’s the sketchiest piece of magic I’ve seen yet on this show. The soul is in the hair?

Back to the kitchen. Spike palms a really large knife. Joanna comes in and he steals her hair.

Dash tells Ingrid that he tried to save the blackmailer’s father but failed. He acts all angsty and everything. This is great. I can’t figure out if he’s acting or if he really went over the bend and believes his own story. I really, really hope it’s the later. They kiss.

Caroline’s still alive! I’m amazed. She kisses Frederick goodnight and leaves the house. Spike appears and tells Frederick that he’s very disappointed. Frederick is not scared though. That weird rune thing on his chest is the King/Odin/Grandfather and if Frederick dies, so does gramps.

Interesting. I like the nifty trick with the rune. It almost makes up for the cheesy hair thing. Almost.

Overall, I loved this episode. It was sweet and funny and had nifty magic tricks. And I love the Eva plot line. It’s really cool. But the hair thing is cheesy and the Wendy's love for the Herb Guy mystifies me. "I have one life left and I'm going to spend it with Herb Guy?" For real?  But, who knows? Maybe Herb Guy will end up being Grandpa's host. 

Well, I’m off to google “green etched wineglasses.” See ya.

All pictures belong to Lifetime.