Saturday, October 26, 2013

Witches of East End Recap - Episode 3

This is going to be a short recap. Nothing happens in this Episode. Nothing.

I'm not kidding. You can just skip over it and go on to Episode 4. No problemo.

Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

Freya is asleep in Dash’s bed. Dash now has navy-colored sheets which is a huge improvement. Freya wakes up thirsty and gets up. She walks around her in-laws’ house (which is called Fairhaven) in a revealing negligee holding an empty glass. I guess she hasn’t heard about robes. She bumps into Killian. Nothing happens.

We are now at the Beauchamp house where Wendy is doing a midnight tarot card reading. She’s trying to find out who will be the victim of Freya’s resurrection spell. Ingrid walks in. Nothing happens.

Scene change to Joanna’s bedroom (which looks kind of meh). Joanna wakes up and sees the shifter standing over her bed. The shifter draws a malignant symbol on Joanna’s headboard. Finally, something happens. Or does it?

We head back to the tarot reading where Wendy tells Ingrid that she’s the one marked for death.

Back at Fairhaven, Freya and Killian start making out in an opulent hallway. Dash finds them. Freya runs after Dash.

Back at the tarot reading. Ingrid’s arms start withering as Wendy tells her that this is all her fault and she deserves to die.

Back to Joanna’s bedroom. She investigates the symbol, which seems to be drawn in blood. The shifter attacks her and sticks a hairy doll in her face.

Joanna wakes up.

Freya wakes up.

Ingrid wakes up.

Yep, they were all dream sequences. I wasn’t kidding when I said nothing happens in this episode.

Scene shifts to the Beauchamp kitchen (I'm instantly happy. I love this kitchen. The backsplash looks particularly marbley in this episode. I wonder if its new?). Wendy is leafing through the spellbook. Wendy did not have a nightmare, I wonder why? Is no one trying to kill Wendy? Why?

Ingrid walks in. She’s wearing a cute cream cardigan. Freya walks in. They chat. Shifter’s nasty blah, blah, blah. Killian’s hot, blah, blah. Wendy offers to teach them witchcraft behind Joanna’s back.

Joanna walks in and reiterates that she doesn’t want the girls to learn magic. She tells them that she banished the shape shifter. She burns the spellbook.

Commercial break.

Scene shifts to the dead tree in the garden. Wendy and Joanna talk about the shifter. Joanna tells Wendy that she wants the girls to lead normal lives. Wendy promises to keep the girls away from magic.
Ingrid's cute persimmon cardi

We are now in a pond. Wendy is going to teach the girls magic. Ingrid has a cute persimmon-colored cardigan. This girl has an extensive cardigan collection. They start with skipping stones, but Wendy tells them that Freya can make potions and Ingrid can create her own spells. Ingrid is a bit too excited about this.

Back at the Beauchamp kitchen, Joanna reforms the spellbook. I tell you, absolutely nothing happens in this episode. You may think that something important just happened, but, no, it was either a dream or instantly reversed.

Shot of a table filled with ominous mystical knickknacks and pictures of Joanna. We see a hand sticking human hair into a jar.

Back at the pond, Freya sinks a stone and pouts. Wendy asks Ingrid to recover the stone. Ingrid concentrates. A dozen fish fly out of the water.

Ingrid is at the library the police detective (his name’s Adam) asks her out on a date. Freya is at the bar feeling a bit overwhelmed. Killian shows up and helps her out.

Back at the house, Joanna heads up to her room with a basketful of laundry. She finds the evil symbol is drawn on her headboard. Is the shifter attacking? Is something finally going to happen?

Commercial break.

No, the shifter does not attack. It was just Wendy trying to figure out what the shifter is trying to do by recreating Joanna’s dream. Joanna tells her about the hairy doll. Wendy tells her that the doll will suck around Joanna’s power. Joanna scoffs. Wendy tells her that she’s in denial. I’m with Wendy on this one. But I see Joanna’s point too. After all, I’m forty-five minutes into this episode and nothing has happened.

Back at the bar, Killian tells Freya that the owner gave him a job. Finally, something happens. It’s small but I don’t care. Freya’s not happy about this particular plot development. She stalks out.

Ingrid and Adam are having their date at the bar. Ingrid is wearing a peachy cardigan. I guess this is her date cardigan. Are they going to start dating? Is the plot going to move forward? No, of course not. They start talking about Joanna’s murder case and Ingrid leaves.

Joanna used to be a mean girl.

Change of scene. Shot of ominous tabletop tableau filled with mystical implements and photos of Joanna and the girls. Creepy music.

Back at the house, Joanna is making a list of enemies. It’s very long. We see a couple of flashback to people that Joanna has killed. Apparently, she’s killed a lot of people. After each flashback Joanna notes down a name. Why is she counting the dead people? Is she not very good at this killing people thing? They're supposed to stay dead, Joanna.

Wendy and Ingrid are at the bar. They chat about magic. Wendy warns her not to try any spells by herself. Aha! Foreshadowing. That must mean something is about to happen, right? right?

Dash and Freya make out in Dash’s room. Freya tells him that Killian got a job at the bar. Dash tells her that he was engaged once before. Freya is shocked that she didn’t know about the engagement. Dash tells her that Killian seduced his fiancée. Apparently, Killian always goes after Dash’s girlfriend. Freya is appalled. Baby plot steps, but still plot steps. We’re inching forward.

Ingrid is in the library casting a spell. Yeay, something's happening. She’s not wearing a cardigan. It goes wrong and her hands start to withers just like in her dream. You should have worn your lucky cardigan, Ingrid.

Will Ingrid be crippled? Will we have an actual plot twist in this episode? Of course not. Aunt Wendy comes in and heals Ingrid’s arms. Argh.

Freya goes back to the bar and fights with Killian. Killian admits that he slept with Dash’s fiancée. But he tells her that he does have a special connection with her. Freya leaves.

Back at the kitchen, (I adore this kitchen) Joanna is preparing dinner. The shifter attacks. Joanna is having trouble defending herself. Freya walks in and uses telekinesis to stab the shifter. The shifter vanishes.

Freya and Joanna drink absinthe (or some other green liquor) in the kitchen and chat. Lies, lies, blah, blah, blah. Joanna relents and says she’ll let the girls practice their magic. She brings back the reconstituted spellbook.

Dash meets Killian outside the bar. They fight. Killian asks Dash whether he told Frey everything that happened five years ago. Dash doesn’t reply.

Ingrid and Wendy are still in the library. Wendy tells Ingrid that she can’t change the curse. Ingrid is sad. Adam arrives and Wendy leaves with a mischievous wink. Adam and Ingrid chat. Complicated, blah, blah, blah. Ingrid kisses him.

Back at the house. Wendy and Joanna chat about the shifter. Joanna admits that Wendy is right and she needs help to help deal with the shifter. Ingrid and Freya come in and Joanna tells them that they will start learning magic.

The four witches do a protection spell around the withered tree. The tree comes back to life.

Another shot of the ominous mystical tableau. The camera pans around to catch a straight shot of the shifter’s face…

It’s Max Headroom sans ears.

And that was it. We're back were we started. I hope the next episode is a bit livelier. Apparently, Wendy finds a guy so we know something will happen.

All pictures belong to Lifetime Television.