Link Fiesta

Apple is revamping the iBooks store! This is good news for me because I'm thinking of taking the Banshee Creek series wide during the summer. I'm doing one last sales push in KU to see if it sticks, and if it doesn't it will likely go wide by June.

Nook is also revamping. Hallelujah!!

Is the Instafreebie gold rush over? I'm experiencing this phenomenon too.

Best 2017 book marketing advice for authors.

We are getting a "feminist" Charmed reboot,  a "dark" Sabrina the Teenage Witch reboot, and a Supernatural spin-off called "Wayward Sisters." I'm really excited for all of these.

Twin Peaks: The Return, Episode 5

I'm still not sure what's going on, but now things a lot less surreal. This is not necessarily a good thing.

Bad Coop is possessed by Bob. Good Coop is now insurance salesman Dougie. He still loves coffee, but is otherwise mentally impaired. Dougie's wedding ring somehow ended up in the militated corpse's stomach. There's a fantastic new forensic pathologist and she hasn't died yet, which is promising.

The Twin Peaks Sheriff's Department is still looking through boxes.

Shelly's daughter is married to a jobless drug addict.

We meet another bad guy.

The casino guys are pissed.

The car bomb explodes. The mysterious kid watches it go.

Dougie's jacket is now light green (the color of rebirth?). The hotel keys are in the trash can. Bad Coop can do weird electric stuff.

I thought it was kind of disappointing, but I'm still curious as to where it goes.

Twin Peaks: The Return, Episodes 3 and 4

This is still so confusing.

Real Coop is trapped with a red-dressed Silent Hill reject in an in-between space separating the Red Lodge from the real world. Something threatening chases them around. The numbers 3 and 15 seem to be significant. Electric outlets also seem to be important. Evil Coop is driving. Another Coop is in an abandoned house with a hooker.

Seriously, there's a third Coop?

At 3:15 Evil Coop is supposed to return to the Red Lodge through his car's cigarette lighter (yep, I am not making this up), but he manages to circumvent the mechanism but sticking his hand in his mouth. As a result the third Coop is sucked into the Red Lodge through an electric outlet, minus his shoes. He turns into a golden snitch and the Fire Walk With Me ring drops onto the floor.

And that's not even the weirdest thing that happens.

Good Coop materializes thought the houses electric outlet, minus his shoes. The hooker takes care of him (no, not that way), gives him Third Coop's shoes, and takes him to a casino in her badass yellow Jeep Wrangler (the color yellow seems to be important, not sure why). He still has his Room 315 key in his pocket, and he narrowly escapes an assassination attempt when it drops to the floor and he bends to pick it up.

Third Coop had enemies, it appears.

Good Coop proceeds to win all the coin slot jackpots in the Casino. The owner eventually kicks him out with his winnings and he takes a limo to Third Coop's home. Third Coop's wife greets him angrily, but is appeased when she sees all the money. She's happy because now they can pay off whoever is trying to kill Third Coop. Wait, isn't Third Coop a golden marble now? I guess Good Coop is now Third Coop.

This is giving me a headache.

Oh, there's also a kid who had a birthday party.

Something, something at the FBI.

Then we are back in Twin Peaks where they are investigating something having to do with chocolate bunnies. Lucy and Andy's kid shows up. he's weird.

The End.

Is this good? I honestly have no idea. The In-Between Space scenes were really cool. I loved the eyeless lady in the red dress, but she died.

That's happening to most of the new characters. Coop Three's wife is intriguing to I expect her to bite it in the next episode. The hooker was kind of cool and she survived, which was very surprising. I think that was because Lynch needed her to drive Good Coop to the casino, though. Otherwise she would've kicked the bucket too.

The use of color is interesting, what with all the reds and yellows. I loved the use of the electric outlets.

But what else is there? I'm not feeling any of the new characters. Evil Coop is just one-dimensionally evil. Good Coop just looks confused (not that he doesn't have a right to, but, still, it's not very interesting). The investigators are just sitting around chatting. I miss the Chihuahua Lady (please don't die Dog Lady, I love you).

What the is happening? I'm going to be very disappointed if this ends up as a big battle between Good Coop and Evil Coop.

Twin Peaks: The Return, Episodes 1 and 2

So confused.

I totally fangirled when the theme came on. I was afraid they'd use new music, but, no they kept the old theme and Laura's pic and it was perfect. They even had the log lady on. *sniff*

Then we got flannel shirts and pick-up trucks and pine trees and I was nodding along like, yes. But then we switched to Manhattan, and there was a glass cage and a creepy guy who likes lattes and a pretty girl and was all "don't trust him, Tracy, he drinks lattes."

Never trust a guy who drinks flavored hot milk. Red flag right there.

Then the Chihuahua Lady showed up and there was a gross corpse and a murder mystery, which was confusing because why are we in South Dakota?

Don't get me wrong. I think South Dakota is real creepy, but, you know, where are the pine trees and the cherry pies? And why is Ashley Judd in this show?

Then Evil Agent Cooper shows up with a mullet and a spray tan (is BOB in the spray tan? is that going to be the big reveal?) and a gang, and 'm all, what?

But then there's a coffee reference and everything is okay again. And we go back to Twin Peaks and Hawk is there and Lucy and Andy, and I'm cheering.

Then Evil Agent Cooper starts killing people, and we are in the Red Room with Good Agent Cooper and some craptastic special effects (the arm is a tree now? and it has an evil twin brother too?) and Laura shows up and then she takes her face off...

It's all very cool, visually speaking, but I'm not sure where we're headed with all of this.

I don't really care about any of the new characters. They all keep dying just as I start getting attached (alas, Phyllis, I hardly knew ya). The music is fantastic, but there's not enough of it. I love the suspense and the creepy visuals but at this point I don't really care about any of these new people.

Latte Boy and Latte Girl bought it, and I was all, yep that's what happens to latte drinkers I warned ya. Only black coffee drinkers make it in Lynchlandia.

I'm on the fence about this one, I admit.

I guess there will be an Evil Agent Cooper vs. Good Agent Cooper showdown at the end, but I'm not feeling too emotionally invested in it. And there doesn't really seem to be a mystery. We know BOB is now Evil Agent Cooper and we know he's causing all the deaths, so...where's the beef, Mr. Lynch? Is there going to be a big twist in the future? Laura got sucked out of the Red Room, so is she going to show up in the "real" world killing people now? I could go for that.

I dunno. We'll see how this goes.

Lucifer Recap, Season 2 Episode 1

Confession: I barely watched this episode.

Oh, I tuned it. The promo for this season, focusing on Mama Lucifer, has been fantastic. The season finale left me with high hopes. The news that Tricia Helfer was playing Mama Lucifer sent me into a swoon. She's one of my favorite actresses.

But I started dozing right away. Another murder investigation. Another crime scene where Chloe looks intense and committed, although weighed down by her serious-cop responsibilities. Another murder with satanic undertones (fake horns stabbed into the victim's skull? seriously?). Chloe's douchebag ex is still around. They're still having "issues."

Blah, blah, blah. Chloe's jackets are still gorgeous though. I want.

Even the addition of forensic expert/medical examiner (not sure which one she is, and, frankly, uncertain as to whether the writers know there's a difference)  Ella Lopez couldn't hold my interest. I love Aimee Garcia, but the quirky forensics nerd role has been done many, many times, and Ella isn't bringing anything new to the table. Her quirk is that she's Christian? Er, maybe that's super-strange in L.A., but for the rest of us a cross necklace does not a weirdo make.

The murder mystery was, as always, meh. Some kind of actressy jealousy plot with a grown-up child performer with serious hang ups. The actress resembled Selena Gomez, which was kind of uncomfortable. The murderer was easy to guess.

The B plot was Lucifer trying to prove to Chloe that he's really the devil. Yes, we're back to that. Sigh. Aminadel interferes and convinces Chloe that Lucifer faked his gunshot wound for...reasons. Chloe apparently believes him, which makes her the stupidest cop ever, but we knew that, right? She can't even tell if a gunshot would is real. Give. Me. A. Break.

Dr. Martin and Maze showed up and were fantastic. That was nice. This is going to be a "mommy issues" season, as opposed to the "daddy issues" one we had last season. Dr. Martin is not thrilled about that and neither am I. The music was great even if they used a Battlestar Galactica song. We get it, guys. We see what you're doing.

I was just about to give up on the episode when Mama Lucifer appeared. Tricia Helfer is riveting. Her scene with Tom Ellis was amazing. Great job. I'll keep watching because of her. Well, and also because I hope she kills Chloe (please, Lucifer writers, please). That would be a fantastic twist.

Also, we need more Trixie.


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Lucifer - Season 1 - Episode 13

Season finale. Awesome.

We're back in Lucifer's penthouse. He's surrounded by police. Chloe is trying to arrest him and he's really upset about the fact that she believes that he killed the preacher. He's having some kind of breakdown and seems to be trying some kind of suicide-by-cop thingie. However, he disappears before the cops shoot.

Rooftop. Aminadel grabbed Lucifer before the cops shot him and flew/teleported him to safety. Lucifer is fed up with his little Earthly vacation and asks his brother to take him back to hell. Aminadel refuses.

Malcolm shows up at the crime scene and Dan hands him one of Maze's demon daggers held in an evidence bag. Oh, this is going to end well.

Chloe tells Dan that she thinks Lucifer is innocent. He wouldn't just shoot the guy, that's not his style. Dan agrees, but tells her that Lucifer's prints will be on the gun. He tells her that they need to talk.

Aminadel tells Lucifer that he has to find Malcolm and send him back to hell and asks for his help. Lucifer is very happy with this plan. This scene is fabulous. The Lucifer/Aminadel relationship is great, and the good angel/bad angel pairing is classic mystery TV fodder. I wish this whole show had been Aminadel and Lucifer teaming up to chase supernatural baddies. That would have been awesome.

Lucifer and Aminadel are in the latter's psychiatric office. Dr. Martin walks in and is not happy to find out that Aminadel tricked her so he could information on Lucifer, not happy at all.

Chloe slaps Dan. Yeah! Dan just confessed to the whole Palmetto/Malcolm thing. Chloe is upset and decides that she has to go help Lucifer. She asks Dan to help her.

Dr. Martin has an impromptu therapy session with Lucifer and Aminadel. It's hilarious. At the end of the session Lucifer gets an idea. Malcolm needs to get a new life and Lucifer knows exactly the kind of person who can get him there. I honestly don't get this leap of logic, but whatevs, moving on.

Chloe goes to Lux and has a heart to heart with Maze. Very cool. Chloe concludes that Lucifer will go after Malcolm and is worried that he'll kill Malcolm and then end up in prison.

Uh, okay. We wouldn't want Luci to go to prison, would we?

Lucifer and Aminadel crash a funeral. The funeral director deals with new identities and he's creating a new one for Malcolm. However, he hasn't been paid yet. Malcolm is trying to get the 100k for the new identity. He's going to see someone called Tommy.

Maze and Chloe break into Malcolm's house. They have really great banter with a couple of comments that seem to indicate that Chloe is some kind of avenging or justice angel. Chloe actually has better chemistry with Maze than with Lucifer. It's all fun and games until someone starts shooting at them.

The shooter is Malcolm's wife. She thinks Malcolm's gone crazy. They just missed him. He came to the house looking for money, but left right away. He said he was going to get a beer. Wow, Malcolm is dropping a lot of bread crumbs, isn't he?

Chloe calls Dan and asks him where Malcolm would go. Based on his beer comment they wonder if he's going to rob a bar or something.

Dan enters his office and finds Lucifer and Aminadel there, looking through papers. They ask him who Tommy is and Dan says that it's a brewery owner with a drug operation. Lucifer and Aminadel disappear. Dan calls Chloe and tells her that Malcolm is going to rob the drug dealer. Chloe and Maze head for the brewery. I love these two, they're like Cagney and Lacey, with better hair.

Malcolm is at the brewery robbing the drug dealer. Lucifer and Aminadel walk in and get into a fight with the drug dealer's enforcers. They enjoy themselves immensely. Man, this show would be so much better if every episode had a "Luci and Aminadel beat up bad guys" scene.

They separate and look for Malcolm. Aminadel finds him and Malcolm stabs him with one of Maze's demon daggers. Lucifer arrives and Malcolm runs away while Luci tends to Aminadel. Maze gets there and tells Lucifer to get Malcolm. She'll take care of the wounded angel.

Chloe shoots at Malcolm. He escapes. Lucifer arrives. Chloe points her gun at him.

Chloe tells Lucifer that she believes he's innocent. She has Malcolm's cash and he won't go anywhere without it. Dan arrives and tells them that they found evidence that Lucifer is innocent.

Maze takes Aminadel to the penthouse. She takes out the feather she rescued on the beach. She was planning to use it to get back to Hell (not sure how that would work), but she'll sacrifice it to heal her lover. The feather heals Aminadel.

Whoa, wait, the feathers heal? And Lucifer just burned them up? Man, he really is bad at this "now I'm a good guy" thing, isn't he?

They reach the precinct and Dan takes the fall. He confesses to taking the gun out of the evidence locker and giving it to Malcolm, who then used the gun to kill the preacher and frame Lucifer.

Chloe gets a call. It's Malcolm, he took Trixie out of school and is holding her hostage. Seriously, of all unrealistic things that happen in this show, a random cop being able to take a kid out of school without parental authorization strikes me as the most unrealistic. I know it's L.A. and their public schools suck, but this is ridiculous.

Malcolm still has friends in the precinct so he can make sure that Chloe does exactly what he asks. She has to take the money out of the evidence room and bring it to Malcolm. She manages to do just that, but Lucifer sees her and gets suspicious. This scene is kind of weak. Surely, Chloe knows that Malcolm will take the money and kill and Trixie. What she's doing is incredibly stupid. Lucifer intercepts her in the parking lot and she tells him about Trixie and how she has to get the money to Malcolm. Lucifer instantly figures out the weak spot in the plan, but he promises to let her go alone.

Yeah, right.

Hostage Trixie is fantastic. Chloe arrives at a hangar with the money. Malcolm disarms her. He lets Trixie go and Chloe tells her to go hide. The money is in the trunk. Malcolm finds it and then aims his gun at Chloe. Lucifer arrives. He pulls his little desire trick on Malcolm. It almost works, but what Malcolm really wants to do is kill Lucifer so he pulls the trigger and Lucifer goes down. This was not a good plan, Luci. It just occurred to me that Lucifer gets shot a lot in this show. He's like a bullet magnet. He could have grabbed a gun and shot Malcolm. Why didn't he?

Malcolm taunts Lucifer as he dies. Then he goes to hunt down Chloe. Lucifer bargains with God. He promises to do his father's will in exchange for Chloe's life. He as a vision of Hell (which apparently looks like an ashy Sprockets set, no wonder he left) and an open dungeon. He seems shocked.

God is apparently pleased with the deal. He heals Lucifer who then goes after Malcolm.

Chloe makes a run for her guns, but Malcolm gets a clean shot at her. Lucifer punches him in the face before he can pull the trigger. Chloe shoots Malcolm.

God also returned the coin to Lucifer, so Malcolm is now permanently dead. Good riddance. He was the worst villain ever. Trixie comes out of hiding. Yeah, Trixie, you're better at hide and seek than your mom, that's for sure.

Back at the penthouse. Aminadel is better, but Maze is nowhere around. Lucifer finds a broken bottle of booze and pours himself a drink. He tells Aminadel that Malcolm is dead. He also tells him that he spoke to God and stuck a bargain with him. Something escaped from Hell, something scary.

Lucifer's mom.

This was a great season finale. There was action and humor and magic. The Lucy-Aminadel and Chloe-Maze relationships are fabulous and the tension was high. The ending was a great setup for the new season. In many ways, I hope it's not only a season finally, but also a new direction for the series. I'm tired of the crappy L.A. mysteries and would be overjoyed to see the show turn into a glam version of Supernatural with bickering brothers chasing down demon baddies between family therapy sessions. Make it so, Lucifer writers.

Lucifer Recap - Season 1 - Episode 12

Satanists.

This episode is all about Satanists. Not modern day devil worshippers, mind you, these are the 1980s throwback satan worshippers. Very retro. I spent most of the episode waiting for a Tipper Gore PSA.

Anywho, we start with something different, the actual murder. Usually in Lucifer we don't meet the victim until it's a bona fide corpse, but this time it's different. A girl participates in a ritual (wait, are they speaking in Italian? This doesn't sound like Latin). There's some cool music. She gets killed...wait, no she doesn't...wait, now she does. Someone mentions the real Lucifer.

Cut to the penthouse. Maze is throwing demon knives at the Lucifer. She looks like she's enjoying herself. The knives don't hurt him though, except maybe Maze's demon dagger. He stubs his toe on a stair step which means that Chloe has arrived. She's dressed in an oversize overcoat and looks like Eponine from Les Miz. Did this show run out of wardrobe funds? She knows Lucifer has been avoiding her lately (because of the whole vulnerability thing) but she has a case that's perfect for him.

Chloe takes Lucifer to the crime scene. On the way they meet the crazy preacher guy from a couple of episodes ago who is with a group of anti-Satanic-ritual-murder protesters. Chloe and Lucifer enter the building and examine the corpse. The words "Hail Lucifer" are carved into the victim's back. Zombie Malcolm arrives and pretends he just met Lucifer.

Dan arrives is also here, trying to make up with Chloe, who wants none of it. She's too busy checking out the victim's subdermal implants. She leaves with Lucifer to check out the girl's home.

The victim's father is in her apartment. They find a ritual space in the attic with dead birds and entrails and whatnot. The victim's father is shocked, and, frankly, so am I. Unused living space in L.A.? Not likely, Lucifer writers, not bloody likely. They find a book titled The Church of the Dark Prince (written in English!) with and inscription that says to my corazón.

Okay, so it's a Satanic Church with uses Italian, English and Spanish in its materials. Globalization hit the devil worshippers hard, guys.

Dan calls in. He found the girl who put in the subdermal implants. She says that Rose (the victim) came in with a guy called Corazon and got the implants done. I almost die laughing at this point. There's no way that a man would use Corazón as a name, no way.

Amenadiel threatens Malcolm in a parking lot. Zombie guy shows him his new magic coin and says he's now #TeamLucifer. Amenadiel is not pleased.

Precinct. Lucifer is reading the Dark Prince book. He likes the sexy parts. Chloe is playing with the subdermal implants which seem to be letters. She thinks the letters spell something, but she can't figure out what. Lucifer helps her out. The letters spell out filii hircus which is "children of the goat" in Latin. Lucifer is quite upset. He can't figure out why people keep associating him with goats. I guess someone hasn't read Michelet's La Sorciere.

Chloe googles "children of the goat" and finds that The Church of the Dark Prince is one of the search results. I'm not sure why she didn't just google the church. Hasn't she watched Catfish? The church has a website with a newsletter and everything. Membership is $200 dollars which displeases Lucifer for some reason. Maybe he thinks it should be higher? Chloe tries fillii hircus as the password and finds out where the next meeting is held.

They go to the meeting place which is a huge mansion with cheap Target lanterns flanking the door. A guy in a cloak meets them at the door and asks them for the password. Lucifer "convinces" him to let them in and they find a ceremony going on inside. It's some kind of memorial for the dead girl. The leader (who has a very distinctive tough-guy accent) introduces the "real Lucifer" who turns out to be a guy in a goat costume. Lucifer is offended and interrupts the meeting, telling them that they are all losers and that this is embarrassing. The church members all applaud. They like being abused.

This didn't work for me. I guess the point of the scene is that everyone thinks Satan is a scruffy little goat, but, really, he's a sophisticated, urbane gentleman? This was cutting age when Goethe did it in Faust, but Mephistopheles was a long time ago. Lucifer has a couple of good lines and Tom Ellis does a great job with this scene, but having a bunch of 21st century devil-worshippers gaping at Satan in a suit is bizarre.

The leader tell them about the victim. She was obsessed with the cult, probably because of her creepy boyfriend Corazón (I can't with this name. I just can't). Oops, one of the ritual knives is missing. Oh, and Lucifer now suspects that Chloe is an angel and that's why he's vulnerable around her.

I like the angel thing. It's interesting. I don't like the Satanic cult angle, though. If this were Supernatural, I'd except a good story about how the loony cultists forgot the first rule of horror movie survival (don't read the Latin out loud) and ended up summoning a murderous demon bent on destroying reality as we know it. This is Lucifer, however, and I fully expect the murderer to be a disgruntled cult member angry because he didn't get reimbursed for the Capri Sun he brought to the last ritual.

Maze goes to Aminandel's apartment which looks like a Calgon commercial...one with vanilla-orchid bubble bath mix. They make out on Aminadel's four poster bed. Aminadel has the same twinkling string of lights that my daughter has in her room. It appears that angels are really into PB Teen-style decor.

Chloe's cottage. Chloe tells Lucifer that Corazón's real name is Mike Carey...of course it is. Lucifer interrogates Trixie, trying to figure out if Chloe is an angel. Does she have any scars? Trixie says yes, she has a scar on her butt where she was bitten by Kraken, Penelope's evil Chihuahua.

I love Penelope. I really hope she got to make out with an angel. She deserves it. I know Chloe's dad was a human cop, but, let's face it, Penelope got around. I can hear her now: It was a Barbarella remake, darling. I didn't know he was a real angel.

Anyway, Chloe shows Lucifer her back and he sees that she doesn't have any scars. She gets a text. They found Corazon, what's left of him anyway.

Abandoned warehouse. Dan and Zombie Malcolm are already inside, investigating the crime scene. Corazón's body is hanging from the ceiling on a kind of modified cross thingie. Lucifer's name is spelled out on some boxes with red paint.

Lucifer seems aghast at the sight of the dead guy. Zombie Malcolm asks him what he makes of all this. Lucifer says that it's been a long time since he's encountered real evil. What? Are you serious? We've had San Bernadino, Isis, Asad, the Ohio Massacre...I could go on. Does Lucifer not watch the news? Are Hitler, Pol Pot, and Stalin not in Hell? Why is Luci being so squeamish?

Chloe and Dan ask him to leave because he may now be involved in the case. Dan thinks that the kids died because of Lucifer's whole Satan schtick. I don't really follow this logic. The kids were Satanists before Lucifer arrived in L.A. Why are the police all suspicious now?

Lucifer goes to see Dr. Martin, upset because the police think he may have something to do with these deaths. Why does everyone think the worst of him? There's also the vulnerability thing which is bothering him.

I can't with Lucifer's whining. I just can't. So humans think you're the source of all evil? Who cares? So you can get hurt now? It just means you go back to Hell. You don't even cease to exist. You wouldn't even be stuck in Hell. Apparently, you can walk out whenever you want.

Aminandel and Maze are in bed. Cool, sexy music plays. Maze kind of, sort of, tries to kill him. She fails, but she wasn't trying to hard so it's okay. Aminadel is pissed though.

Lucifer walks to his club and finds the anti-Satan protestors in front. He has a fight with the crazy preacher guy. Zombie Malcolm arrives and keeps him from killing the preacher.

Back at the crime scene, Zoe finds a single cufflink with the letter M on the floor. Dan thinks the M stands for Morningstar and the cufflink belongs to Lucifer. For the record, this is the stupidest clue I've even seen in years of watching television mysteries. Even Scooby-Doo doesn't sink this low.

They return to the precinct and watch the news. The main story is Lucifer attacking the preacher at the protest. Chloe notices that the preacher is missing a cufflink and that the M could actually be a W that stands for Williams, the preacher's last name. They now think the preacher killed the Satanists. Really? Because it makes sense that a fanatic Christian would enact Satanic rituals? In what universe?

Any who, we're now in Lucifer's penthouse where Malcolm pours some drinks and keeps chatting and chatting. He sounds like he wants to connect. Lucifer is just annoyed until he realizes that Malcolm has red paint on his hands. The police were all wearing gloves so this must mean that Malcolm is the murderer.

This is probably the most disappointing murderer reveal ever. Capri-Sun guy is a better villain than Zombie Malcolm. Also, a policeman forgot to use turpentine to cover his tracks after a murder? How is this likely? This murder plot has more holes than a block of swiss cheese.

Moving on. Apparently, Malcolm lost his marbles after coming back from Hell. He wanted to kill the Satanists because they were frauds and he framed the preacher. He thought the murders would make Lucifer happy. Wait, what? I guess the point is that Malcolm is now a loon and he doesn't have to make sense, but this is very unsatisfactory.

Lucifer flips, but Aminadel arrives before he can hurt Malcolm.

Angel fight! Finally. Aminadel is angry that Lucifer sent Maze to seduce and kill him. Lucifer is angry that the guy that Aminadel resurrected is killing people. They pretty much destroy the penthouse (oh no, not the library!) and Malcolm escapes in the chaos.

Maze shows up and breaks up the party. She leaves them her demon knives and tells them to kill each other. Her presence, however, killed the party mood and Aminadel leaves.

Chloe shows up with Dan. Turns out Malcolm hid the preacher's body next to Lucifer's bar.  The police now think that Lucifer killed the preacher and Lucifer completely loses it. He is bitter because he is blamed for everything and this is the last straw. Chloe tells him he's under arrest.

End of episode.

This was kind of meh. Lucifer gets some good lines and there's a couple of good scenes (Trixie! Maze!! Dr. Martin!!!), but, overall, it wasn't a good episode. Malcolm has got to be the world's wimpiest, most annoying villain. He's just an unsatisfactory opponent for Lucifer. The Satanist murders are, let's face it, not that shocking. Having the Lord of Hell be completely appalled by two slashed corpses is a bit much. C'mon, let's get real. He's Satan, he's seen worse (at the very least, he's watched Game of Thrones). Lucifer's whining is getting to me. In addition, the stakes are too low. I mean the worst case scenario here is that Lucifer goes to prison? That people think he's a murderer? That Chloe thinks badly of him?

That's not enough. He's freaking Satan, guys.

This episode has really crystallized my frustration with this series. Lucifer's redemption arc and his romance(?)/partnership with Chloe are B plots and the series is trying to turn them into A plots. They're trying really hard, but it's not working. Chloe's "prove herself to be a good cop" arc fizzled several episodes ago. There's no motivation propelling these characters forward. Supernatural and Buffy had a lot of similar arcs and relationships, but the main plot was simple: people who hunt really bad things. Lucifer desperately needs that kind of main plot. The dilettante investigator schtick and the crappy little mysteries are not enough. The Lord of Hell going after unfaithful wives, conniving sneaker designers, and deceitful sports agents is just not that compelling.

The writers/showrunners think they're writing "Castle with Satan" but it's not working out for them. Frank Castle was a dilettante, true, but he was also a mystery novelist, eager to prove that his storytelling instincts applied to real crimes. Lucifer has no such motivation. We never really know why he's so into the detective schtick. Is he trying to mete out justice/punishment? Then staying in Hell would probably be a better move. Is he trying to redeem himself? Then he should try charity work. We never figure out why he finds Chloe so compelling and their "romance" or attraction or whatever the heck its supposed to be is pretty weak. The central premise of Lucifer started shaky and did not strengthen in later episodes. This is frustrating because everything else in the show (Maze, Dr. Martin, Aminadel, Trixie) works beautifully. It's heartbreaking.

The show has a lot of great elements (the fabulous cast, the music, the banter), but they need to rethink the "police procedural" premise. The precinct, Dan and Chloe, and Chloe's "cop with chip on shoulder" thing are the weakest elements in the show. Let's face it, it's pretty bad when Brooklyn Nine Nine presents a grittier, more realistic vision of police work than your procedural. The original Vertigo material was closer to Supernatural than to Castle, and they should probably return to that. They have two charismatic brothers (with a great Thor/Loki relationship) with monster daddy issues and a fabulous supporting cast fighting evildoers. That's what they should focus on. A strong supernatural villain (demon? rogue angel?), a couple of paranormal mysteries (more baddies escaping the underworld, for example), and a new storyline for Chloe (I've got nothing here) would go a long way toward improving the show.

Well, that's enough complaining. Luckily, the season finale totally makes up for this episode (and actually addresses some of my issues with the show!). It's awesome. Stick around for the recap. :)

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 11

The morning after.

Chloe wakes up naked in Lucifer's bed. Lucifer takes his own sweet time reassuring her that nothing happened, which is hilarious. It's a very funny scene with bonus Rosemary Baby references. Chloe leaves the penthouse sans pants.

Lucifer heads down to Lux and has a fight with Maze.

Crime scene at a Spanish Mission style mansion. It's a charity founded by an ex-football player to help homeless kids, and the football player is the victim. He used to be a playboy off the field but he reformed and dedicated his life to good. Lucifer likes the bad-boy-gone-good story and feels it applies to him. The victim was also robbed. They chat with one of the kids aided by the foundation. He says he saw a guy outside and gave the cops the description.

I'm bored. These investigations are so dull.

Zombie Malcolm ties up Dan then heads out to kill Lucifer. He makes sure he gets Dan's prints all over the gun though. That way Dan will be blamed for the killing.

The whole Zombie Malcolm thing is a bit underwhelming. Why didn't Aminadel seduce Maze and convince her to kill Lucifer? That would get her back home quick and would have made for a more interesting show.

Chloe and Lucifer talk to the football player's wife who is distraught about his death and how it will affect their upcoming fundraiser. Lucifer offers her Lux for her fundraiser.

Lucifer has his therapy session with Dr. Martin. He spends most of the session talking about how wonderful he feels about all the good deeds (not sleeping with Chloe, donating his club to charity) he's done. Dr. Martin mentions selfless, but Lucifer doesn't care about that so much.

Chloe and Lucifer find the homeless man who stole the victim's jewelry and wallet. The guy says that the victim was already dead when the robbery took place. Lucifer gives the guy his shirt (Prada joke!) and pants. He's really into this selflessness stuff. I really like the repartee between Chloe and Lucifer. It's sharp and funny.

They visit the victim's wife and tell her that it wasn't a robbery. The charity's lawyer intervenes. He tells them that the kid they spoke with at the crime scene was angry at the victim.

They talk to the kid who admits to the fight. Chloe asks him about the victim's relationship with his wife.

Boring.

Lucifer shows up. Chloe tells him that the victim was probably cheating on his wife. Chloe found a hotel keycard in his wallet, maybe he was going there for trysts.

Lucifer goes to a charity lunch. The ladies all flirt with him and he...breaks out into song. Seriously! He sings "Devil May Care" (one of my favorite songs!) and it's fantastic. I love this scene. The victim's assistant interrupts the song and scolds them for enjoying themselves when the charity's founder is dead.

Lucifer and Chloe go chat with the assistant. Turns out he was the victim's lover. They didn't meet in hotels there and no one was blackmailing him. The assistant shows them the last picture the victim sent him. It's a...goat? Yep, the victim sent a photo of a goat on a field. Intriguing. I've changed my mind. This mystery is better than the other ones in this series. Goats make everything better, guys.

More Zombie Malcolm and Dan. Zombie Malcolm says that hell for him was solitary confinement, no food or people. He really doesn't want to go back and Aminadel told him that killing Lucifer will guarantee that. Aminadel is really good at this whole lying thing, isn't he?

Chloe interrogates the lawyer and gets nowhere. She heads to Lux which is all decked out in Hungry Orphan Chic. She asks Lucifer to get the wife to talk. The new good-deeds-loving Lucifer, however, doesn't want to ruin his fundraiser so he refuses.

Maze has dinner with Aminadel. It's a fantastic scene ("My problems are your problems"). I love these two together.

Chloe asks the assistant some questions. She thinks the victim went to Haiti and found something out about their charity work there. The assistant tells her that they've bought money and built schools in Haiti. Chloe asks about the picture of the field. She wants to know if they're building a school there.  The assistant says that the school should be done by now. Chloe suspects embezzlement.

I'm confused. How do you not notice that a school is not being built? It seems like a big detail to miss.

Chloe goes to talk to the lawyer. She tells him that the money for the school was stolen, and she suspects that the wife did it. She says that the nonprofit compliance returns are so complicated that she could have easily hidden the funds away.

Uh, that's exactly what nonprofit reporting is supposed to prevent, but, whatevs, Chloe is wearing a party dress (I guess she's going to the fundraiser after this) and she looks amazeballs.

Lucifer is in the penthouse, wearing his tux. Malcolm arrives with a gun. Blah, blah, blah...you're going to die...blah, blah, blah. Lucifer fast talks his way out of this one by giving Malcolm the Devil's Coin. Apparently, you can use it to travel in and out of Hell (I guess it's like Charon's coins? Sort of?). Lucifer was saving it in case he had to return to Hell, but he gives it to Malcolm instead. With it, Malcolm can escape Hell whenever he wants.

Malcolm leaves, but the victim's wife arrives. For some reason she tells Lucifer that she's headed to Argentina. Lucifer instantly concludes that she murdered her husband and is trying to flee to a country with no extradition treaty. This leap of logic escapes me. First, we do have an extradition treaty with Argentina now (maybe the writers were thinking of Uruguay?). Second, why instantly assume that she's a felon?

Anywho, she shoots him.

A disheveled Dan rushes into Lux looking for Lucifer. He goes to the penthouse and finds Lucifer lying on the floor.

Lucifer wakes up. There's holes in his tux shirt, but no wounds. He offers Dan a drink ("You look like you need it") heads out to the party. This is a cute scene.

Lucifer goes to the party and reveals that the wife is the killer. Chloe interrupts and announces that they have all the evidence. The wife confesses and Chloe arrests her.

After party drinks. Maze shows up after her "date" with Aminadel. Lucifer is willing to talk to her again. She tells him that she slept with his brother. He tells her that his brother hired a hit man to kill him. She's surprised to see him unhurt. She asks him how can it be that he's sometimes invulnerable and sometimes not. He gets an idea and leaves "to test a theory."

Lucifer shows up at Chloe's beach cottage. He cuts himself while talking to her and figures out that he's only vulnerable when he's with her.

I liked this episoe. The mystery was good, which is a big relief. The Chloe-Lucifer relationship moved forward in an unforced way. Maze, Aminadel, and Dr. Martin were fabulous, as always. Zombie Malcolm is annoying me.

Looking forward to the next one. :)

Lucifer, Season 1, Episode 10

Chloe and Lucifer are inspecting a crime scene in what seems to be a Whole Foods store. I like it! I've always felt those places are full of untapped aggression. Too much kale and whole grains. The victim seems to have been poisoned, which is exciting. Hardly anyone gets poisoned in crime shows nowadays.

Lucifer recognizes the victim as a Mexican chef called Javier Arias. He apparently owned a restaurant called "Sol de Javier." According to Lucifer the guy was a great chef, but I just can't get over that restaurant name. "Sol de Javier"? Who would use that?

Anyway, they go to the restaurant to interview the staff. They called the victim "Pops" and said that they all saw him as a father figure. Why not "Papi" though? He was Latino right? Why would a Latino chef go with "Pops"? Chloe and Lucifer discuss his daddy issues, and then...

Penelope Decker arrives! She's just as fabulous as I imagined. I'm over the moon with happiness. I've been waiting for this character forever. She's dressed in leopard, OF COURSE! Penelope and Lucifer flirt outrageously and it's simply heaven. Penelope asks them both to attend a family dinner. I love Mama Decker.

Back to the boring crime scene. Sigh. Pops had a temper and threw things. He overworked his staff. Everyone still loved him and thought he was a father figure, and Lucifer projects his daddy issues all over the place. I'm starting to think that the "daddy issues" joke would have worked better if it had been subtler.

They talk to Javier's son who didn't really get along with his dad. Junior was trying to be a chef, but his father was too overbearing about it so Junior gave up cooking and left. Lucifer tries his "secret desire" thing, but it didn't really work. The guy did share his father's last meal which is suspicious. Chloe asks him if he inherits the restaurant now, and Junior says no, he didn't deserve this place.

I call BS on this. The eldest son always gets the family business in Latino families. Always. Didn't deserve it? Who cares? Blood is blood.

But I'm instantly distracted by Maze, who goes to Dr. Martin's office. She wants to go through therapy because she feels out of place here on Earth (duh!). Dr. Martin thinks that this is not a good idea because she's already seeing Lucifer, but she gives Maze some advice anyway. She thinks Maze should start building relationships. If Maze finds some friends, she might feel better about her current situation. I loved this scene. It was fantastic.

Dan confronts Zombie Malcolm and asks why he wanted an untraceable weapon. He figures out that Malcolm wants to kill Lucifer and asks why. Malcolm explains that even if he told him, he wouldn't believe it.

Sounds legit.

Chloe and Lucifer interrogate the sous chef. She was Javier's mentee and a heroin user. She also appears to inherit the restaurant which seems bizarre to me, because no Latino man would ever leave property outside the family. Never. Never ever. Wouldn't happen. No way.

Chloe finds out that the Javier was poisoned with mercury and heroine so little miss sous chef is a subject. Unfortunately, the suspect starts throwing up in the middle of the interrogation. She's been poisoned.

The sous chef gets her stomach pumped and Dan shows up with a suspect profile. A waitress was recently fired from the restaurant and, lo and behold, she has a history as a heroin user. She was also at the restaurant a couple of days ago, screaming at Javier. Chloe invites Dan to the family dinner (he needs someone to run interference on Mama Decker) then she and Lucifer go to the waitresses' house. They find drug paraphernalia on the porch. Lucifer breaks into the house and figures out that Junior has been staying there. Lucifer and Chloe chat about family issues. Chloe apparently resented her mother's childlike personality and how she always dolled up Chloe for auditions.

The waitress shows up. She and Junior are together and are also trying to get clean. She fought with Javier because she was trying to convince him that Junior was getting clean. Javier didn't approve of their relationship or drug use, but Junior was still trying to fix things with him. Chloe is called away on an "emergency."

Chloe arrives at the beach cottage. The "emergency" was that her mom told the babysitter to leave. Trixie is dressed like a trailer park Jonbenet Ramsey because Penelope is taking her to an audition. Chloe flips. Trixie sneaks out of the house while Chloe and Penelope argue.

Trixie used Chloe's phone to get an Uber ride to Lux. Ah, L.A. people problems. There's a very cute scene between Trixie and Maze ("I used to be a zookeeper, sort of."). I love it.

Junior returns to his girlfriend's house and finds Lucifer there. Lucifer taunts him about killing his father but eventually decides that Junior didn't commit the murder. Lucifer's daddy issues resurface. I guess he wants to be free from God's interference or something? Whatevs.

Family dinner at the beach cottage. Dan shows up with cake. Chloe shows up with Trixie and finds out that Lucifer is cooking dinner with Junior, the suspected poisoner. Junior has made a vegetarian mole, which he seems to think is a big deal. Mole is just a sauce you pour over meat. You can easily just pour it over eggplant so I'm not sure why the vegetarian mole is so unique. The food court at Plaza Las Américas had vegetarian mole in the 80s (right next to the David's Cookies), Junior. You're not that special.

Most. Uncomfortable. Dinner. EVER. Lucifer offends everyone. It should be a funny scene, but it isn't. Penelope is very excited when she finds out that Chloe is juggling Dan or Lucifer. Junior tells them that he tried to escape his father, but he couldn't, because his dad was a part of him. Dan takes Junior to the station to get his statement.

The lab called and the heroin used to kill Javier wasn't the same heroin found in the waitresses' house. They now think that the sous chef killed Javier and then poisoned herself to throw them off the scent. They call the hospital and find out that she's left.

They find her at the restaurant, destroying the heroin/mercury mix. Wait? The heroin was IN the restaurant and the police didn't find it? Or did she go to the restaurant to destroy it? If so, why? She wanted to kill Junior, not Javier, but Junior had become a vegetarian (that's why the veggie mole was so important, I guess) so Javier ate his meat and was, therefore, poisoned.

The sous chef tips over a vat of...something and sets it (and the whole restaurant) on fire. Lucifer carries Chloe out of the restaurant and gets burned. Chloe managed to rescue the evidence. The sous chef is arrested. They tell Junior that his father was going to give him the restaurant. Case is over.

Maze goes to see Dr. Martin. She tells the doctor that she's made a new friend. Dr. Martin tells her that's great, but that maybe her next friend should be of drinking age. Maze agrees and asks the doctor, if she'd like to go get a drink. I love this!

Chloe returns home and has a heart-to-heart with her mom (who, of course, already has a glass of wine ready). Her mom is leaving in the morning, and they hug it out before she goes. As her mom goes to bed, Chloe stares at a picture of her, Dan, and her daughter.

Dan meets Malcolm in the docks. He tells Malcolm that he can't let him kill Lucifer. Dan tries to arrest Malcolm, but zombie guy beats him up instead. I guess Dan's dead? No, wait, he's still moving. Malcolm sends Chloe a text.

Chloe turns up at Lux. Dan (actually Malcolm) sent her a breakup text, so she wants to get drunk. She also wants to have sex with Lucifer, who, in a rare attack of conscience, turns her down. Lucifer is very confused.

This was a good episode. The mystery was meh, but I do like Maze's arc and I loved Penelope and Dr. Martin. The whole "daddy issues" thing is not really coming together for me. I guess in this world Lucifer going to Hell wasn't rebelling against God, but leaving Hell is a rebellion? I don't know, and, frankly, I don't find it compelling either. Hopefully, there'll be more Maze in the next episode.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 9

This was an excellent episode. It was funny and smart with excellent acting. Kudos.

Lucifer gets some pizza delivered. Needless to say, the pizza delivery guy gets an excellent tip. ;)

Lucifer attends a session with Dr. Martin. He's disturbed about the fact that he didn't really enjoy his party. Dr. Martin tells him that he's lonely. Does he consider any of the people he spends time with a friend? How about Chloe?

Back at the club. Maze asks Lucifer to come meet someone. It's a priest. His name is Father Frank.

This scene was kind of awkward. The priest is here because he is worried about a kid who's fallen into a drug ring run out of a youth community center. I'm not sure what the Father Frank expects from Lucifer. He says he wants Lucifer to talk to the drug dealer. He says God told him to ask Lucifer for help.

This is a very unsatisfactory setup. Why does Father Frank think that Lucifer can help? Because God sent him a vision?  It's kind of odd, but I'll let it slide.

Lucifer pulls his secret desire power and finds out that the priest wants to beat up the drug dealer. Okay.

Lucifer asks Chloe to come with him to the community center talk to the drug dealer. He's not trying to help Father Frank though. He's trying to prove that the priest is a hypocrite. This is his way to get back at God. It seems kind of wimpy to me, but, hey, beggars can't be choosers. They find the drug dealer's door closed and ask the dealer's fat community center assistant some questions. Chloe peeks through the window and sees a pool of blood. She breaks downy the door (I love it when Chloe is badass!) and find the drug dealer dead. Lucifer is ecstatic because he things the priest did it.

Crime scene. The drug dealer was beaten to death with a base ball bat and Chloe found a voice modulator among his possessions. Lucifer makes a Darth Vader joke (awesome!). The dealer's underling tells them that Father Frank dropped by regularly to argue with the dealer. They question the boy that Father Frank is concerned about (his name is Connor) and he defends the priest.

Back at the precint, Chloe pulls up the priest's rather extensive rap sheet and notes that he's done nothing bad in the past couple of years. The dealer did have a restraining order against the priest, though. Lucifer leaves and Chloe tries to talk to Dan about their kiss, but he seems distracted. She leaves.

Zombie blackmailer Malcolm shows up and tells Dan that he's Dan's new partner. Woohoo!
He warns Dan that if he comes clean about the Palmetto mess, they'll both go to jail. He also asks for something from the evidence closet. Why can't he get it himself? Who knows? I stopped caring about this plot line several episodes ago.

Lucifer and Chloe go to church. Chloe goes to look for Father Frank. Lucifer sneaks into the confessional and chats with a woman who is having lustful thoughts about her husband's limo driver (Ah, L.A. rich people problems).

Aminadel and zombie blackmailer Malcolm meet in an underground parking lot. Aminadel tells him that he brought him back from the dead for a reason. Malcolm reassures that everything is going according to plan.

Father Frank tells Chloe and Lucifer that he went to see the drug dealer that morning and argued with him. Lucifer accuses him of murdering the dealer. Father Frank denies it. His alibi is the woman with the limo driver issues. Chloe asks Father Frank to come to the station for a statement. As they exit the church, a black SUV drives up and the driver shoots at Father Frank.

Still at the church. Father Frank's alibi checks out, and he reveals that he's received several threats. He plays a message for them, and the voice is disguised by a voice modulator. Father Frank says that it may a dealer known as the Spider (First Viper now Spider. L.A. criminals like their animal names.). This new dealer is very tough and ruthless. Chloe tells the priest that he needs to move to a safe space. Lucifer says that he knows just the place.

The safe space is Lux and it involves nun strippers. Father Frank isn't very interested in the strippers, but he likes the music. Turns out he used to be a piano player for a rock band, so he's used to the club scene. Connor's dad was part of his touring group. Connor's parents and Father Frank's daughter died in the same car accident. That made Father Frank enter the church.

Lucifer wonders why he wasn't angry at God. Father Frank has trouble explaining it. Somehow, they end up doing a "Devil Goes Down to Georgia" style piano duel. It's fabulous!

Lucifer and Chloe go off to investigate the Spider guy. Chloe teases him about being friends with a priest. Lucifer seems embarrassed. They find the girl from the community center. She gives a pack of cash to Connor who recognizes Chloe and takes out a gun and starts shooting in the air. Chloe concludes that Connor is the Spider. I'm having trouble reconciling the troubled teen with a tough and ruthless dealer, but whatevs. The Lucifer crime plots are always odd.

Father Frank doesn't think that Connor is the Spider. He thinks he just needs help. Lucifer asks him how he can have faith in this boy? The priest tells him that God had faith in everyone. Lucifer is skeptical. Father Frank gets a phone call and leaves. Like, he just gets up and exits the room. Lucifer kind of sucks at this whole "keep the witness alive" thing.

Dan brings Malcolm a revolver. It's the stuff from the evidence closet.

Chloe arrives and notices that Father Frank is gone. Maze tells them that he was on the phone with someone called Connor and left. They deduce that he's meeting Connor at the church.

At the church, Connor is threatening the priest with a gun. He's not alone though. The fat guy from the community center, the dead drug dealer's assistant is egging him on. He's the real Spider. Connor doesn't want to hurt the priest so the Spider shoots him. The priest tries to safe Connor and gets shot.

Lucifer tries to save the priest, but it doesn't work. Father Frank says that he didn't understand why God put Lucifer in his path. Now he knows that God really put him in Lucifer's path. He tells Lucifer to remember that God has a plan. Then he dies. Lucifer grabs the Spider by the throat and chokes him. Chloe tells him that Father Frank wouldn't want this and he stops.

Outside the church. Chloe and Lucifer watch as Father Frank's body is wheeled out. She tells Lucifer that Connor is cooperating and will likely get a second chance.

Lucifer heads to his penthouse balcony and indulges into some theologically-incorrect raging against God. He's very upset that Father Frank died and tells God that the priest didn't deserve the suffering. He wants to know what's the point of it all. Well, the point is to get to heaven. That's what Father Frank just did. Duh. I'm not sure why Lucifer is so upset about this ending. This show has a lot of contradictory worldbuilding. If you're going to base a television show on the Christian mythos, you pretty much have to treat dying and going to heaven as a good thing. It's what Jesus did.

Chloe's cottage. She and Dan are sharing takeout. It's all very cozy, but Chloe tells him that she's too distracted to talk.

Lucifer plays the piano. It's a lovely rendition of "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Gorgeous. Chloe joins him, saying that she thought that he could use a friend. It's a lovely scene.

Malcolm is in a diner eating. Aminadel shows up and scolds him. He wants to know what's taking so long. He threatens to send Malcolm back to Hell. Malcolm tells him that he has an untraceable gun so he's ready. Who does Aminadel want killed. Aminadel tells him the name. "Lucifer Morningstar."

Great episode. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 8

A Dr. Martin episode. Awesome!

I know I complain about how boring the police episodes are, but this one is an exception. It's almost 100% police procedural, but the supporting characters (Dr. Martin FTW!) make it special. The music also improves in this one.

We're at Lux where Lucifer is having a birthday party. He's celebrating is re-birth after getting rid of the wings. Maze is less than pleased. Chloe and her ex show up. Maze's mood does not improve. Chloe wishes Lucifer a happy birthday and gives him a present (some kind of booze, I think). They do shots. She leaves with Dan (I guess I should call her douchebag ex by his name). Lucifer is not pleased.

It's a work party. Back-from-the-dead guy (Malcolm) gives them a hard time. There's some ominous mentions of Hell.

Lucifer goes to see Dr. Martin. He kinda, sorta apologizes for breaking her wall. He's having trouble handling his emotions. Dr. Martin diagnoses it as jealousy. Lucifer scoffs and says "the devil doesn't get jealous." I'm confused because I thought Lucifer rebelled against God because the creation of man made him jealous. Anywho, Lucifer concludes that he's not the one with the problem. Chloe is the one with the problem and she should see Dr. Martin and get those resolved. Dr. Martin's face at the end of this scene is priceless.

Crime scene. Lucifer and Chloe investigate a therapist who got shot. The victim encouraged his patients to cheat on their partners to salvage their relationship. Chloe mentions that the wife was out of town at the time of the crime. The victim's business partner seems very protective of the wife.

Lucifer seduces a judge so Chloe can get a warrant for the victim's confidential client files.

Per the warrant, Dr. Martin has to look through the files and inform the police as to any relevant info. Chloe scolds Lucifer for bringing Dr. Martin into the case, but he's distracted by a sign on a door. "Dr. Canaan" sounds very biblical to him. Dr. Martin found that she shared one of her patients with the victim and that patient was very angry about the "cheating therapy."

Chloe and Lucifr go to investigate the angry patient. He asks her about her divorce. Job was more important to Dan than his family, blah, blah, blah. Chloe thinks he's changed though.

Dr. Martin calls to warn Chloe about the angry patient's self-harming tendencies. Her warning comes at the nick of time. As Lucifer and Chloe park, they see a man hanging on a ledge, about to jump.

Lucifer talks the guy out of his suicide attempt. The scene is hilarious. Good, because this episode is seriously dragging. The angry patient, it turns out, wasn't angry after all. The victim was helping him get over the breakup of his marriage and a whole bunch of other stuff. He also had an alibi for the time of the murder. The angry patient says he ran into the victim's wife two days ago. Chloe is suspicious because the wife had said that she was out of town.

Dr. Martin goes to Lux and chats with Maze who warns her about getting too attached to Lucifer. I love this scene. These two are fantastic. Turns out Lucifer asked Dr. Martin to come to Lux so she could talk to Chloe. Chloe tells her about the victim's wife. Dr. Martin thinks that the wife may have been stalking one of the victim's patient. Chloe gets a call from Dan. She has to go back to her house to meet him. Lucifer is not happy about him.

Chloe enters her cottage. Hello, it's not Dan, it's creepy back-from-the-dead guy. This is not good police work, Chloe. Malcolm (back-from-the-dead guy) is also interested in Palmetto. He claims that he was looking for a crooked cop. Chloe doesn't believe him. Malcolm seems to be very upset about the whole "having been dead" thing. He tells Chloe that the guys who shot him is still out there and "he has no problem shooting cops."

Back to investigating. Chloe, Lucifer and Dr. Martin are in the car. There is much banter. Very nice. They question the wife in a parking lot. The wife confesses to having several pounds of fecal matter in her car. She was going to throw the poop at one of husband patients who is attending group therapy in the building with her husband's business partner. She says her husband fell in love with the patient. She didn't kill him. She just wanted him back.

Dan arrives. He's angry that Malcolm went to see Chloe. He also didn't get any prints off the key they found in Palmetto. Dr. Martin thinks Dan is hot. I'm starting to question Dr. Martin's judgement.

Lucifer interrupts the group therapy. He starts to blabber about himself. This scene should be funny, but it falls kind of flat. He gets the business partner to confess to the murder. He's in love with the victim's wife so he killed him. The guy takes out a knife and threatens Lucifer. Chloe shows up and beats the murderer up which is kind of cool.

There's some tying up of lose ends. Blah, blah, blah...Palmetto. Chloe realizes that Malcolm's partner would have known about the Palmetto meeting through the police GPS trackers. They go to question him and find him dead. Chloe finds a suicide note where the partner confesses to being on the take and shooting Malcolm.

Dr. Martin tells Lucifer that they have to keep their relationship professional from now on. He asks about the mysterious Dr. Canaan and doesn't like the answers he gets.

Chloe thanks Dan for helping her out. They kiss. Dan gets paged and has to go. He's meeting creepy Malcolm who congratulates him on closing Palmetto. Malcolm, it turns out, killed Tony and wrote out the confession. Dan was the one who shot Malcolm. Back-from-the-dead guy is now blackmailing him. He has "big plans" for Dan.

Back to Lux. Lucifer connected the dots and figured out that Maze told Amenadiel (alias Dr. Canaan) about Dr. Martin. He's not happy about the betrayal. I'm confused. She's a demon, what did he expect? Betrayal should be kind of her thing. The worldbuilding in this show confounds me. The have cute ideas, but they can't make up their minds.

I give the episode three stars. I liked Dr. Martin and Maze and Lucifer were amusing. The crime was a dud, as are all the crimes these guys investigate. Who knew L.A. was such a dreary crime city? I'm still bored to death about Palmetto though. Even creepy back-from-the-dead Malcolm and trigger-happy Dan can't make that case interesting. I should care about Chloe and Dan kind of getting back together, but I can't for some reason. We'll see how it goes.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 7

Well, this was a disappointment. Things seemed to be going so well...sigh.

The episode starts off on a high note with Maze picking up a guy in Lux. She ends up waterboarding the guy in Lucifer's hot tup, but, hey, that's Maze. Lucifer wants to know who stole his wings. Maze is fabulous, as always.

Cut to the police station. The Palmetto guy's family is turning off his life support. Chloe's ex wants her to stop investigating the guy so his family can get benefits. Chloe is stubborn and doesn't want to do it.

Chloe's cottage. Lucifer wants some help. However, he gets sidetracked because Chloe is so upset about Palmetto. They chat about it. I become bored. I hate Palmetto. I thought it was a cute backstory at first, but now that it's a real plot, ugh, it's just tiresome.

Lucifer and Aminadel at the beach. Lucifer ask him for help finding his wings. Cue dramatic music. There's some stuff about Lucifer wanting free will and cutting off his wings to achieve that, but other than that, meh. Everyone wears to much clothing.

Back to the cottage. Lucifer asks Chloe for help. She laughs but puts out an APB call for angel wings.  Her ex is also part of the investigation. Oh, goody. /sarcasm

They got the place where the corrupt cops met to exchange money. Chloe is trying to figure out who started the shooting. She can't make head or tails of it. Her ex gets a call. Someone found the angel wings.

Turns out the FBI is staking out a 'holy antiquities' auction. Lucifer's wings are part of the auction. The FBI is raiding the auction that night.

Lucifer attends the auction with Aminadel, who is wearing the most hideous tie in creation. Aminadel wants to return the wings to heaven. They are too dangerous here on earth.

Lucifer gets them into the auction by waiving around a coin.

Chloe's ex takes her to see the Palmetto guy who is in a coma in the hospital. There's a teary confrontation with the guy's family.

They get to meet the auction organizer. The organizer is not a believer. He just wants money. The coin is apparently the "Devil's Coin." I'm not sure what that is. I thought it would be one of Judas' silver coins, but, apparently, no. I couldn't find any "devil's coin" legends on the Internet, but there's a nicely creepy story about it on reddit. Frankly, Judas' coin would've been a better choice than this made up crap.

Aminadel fights with the guy and his security team draws out their guns. Lucifer calms them down by explaining that he's willing to buy the wings.

Auction time. Aminadel wants to know why Lucifer was so scared of the guns. Lucifer tells him that he is vulnerable now and can be hurt. Aminadel is excited about this. When Lucifer dies, he'll return to Hell and Aminadel's mission will be completed. The auction begins. I'm annoyed by the fact that the auctioneer talks about the "papal basilica." Which one? There's four. I'm also annoyed by the whole "stupid people believe in this schtick and are willing to pay for it" attitude. No. Medieval relics are items of intense historical and theological interest. You wouldn't mock someone paying millions of dollars for a DaVinci madonna, would you?

This is irritating. If you're going to write a show about the Christian mythos, do some research. There's plenty of interesting stuff out there about relics. Use it.

There's also a little joke about St. Paul being portly. It's cute, but odd. Lucifer wouldn't know Paul of Tarsus. He would've been exiled to hell thousands of years before Paul's birth. Several saints have encounters with Satan in their bios, but, Paul isn't one of them (here's a list, and another one, and yet one more). This is a small detail, but it's disappointing. Respect your world building people. Do your research.

Chloe arrives in a fantastic dress. She looks AMAZING. There's some cute banter (finally!). The wings are displayed and the FBI arrives. Aminadel does his stopping time routine. Lucifer goes to get the wings and gets a shock. They're fake. Lucifer wants to go after the wings, but Chloe has to take care of some Palmetto stuff.

Yeay, Palmetto. /sarcasm

Chloe goes with her ex to the Palmetto warehouse. To make a long story short (too late!), she figures out that there was someone else there, and that person was the killer. They find a secret passage and an L.A.P.D.  key that seems to confirm her theory.

 Lucifer visits the auction guy at his (very expensive) home, and finds his wings. Aminadel was the one who stole the wings.

Yawn. Lucifer burns his wings. Double yawn. This means he's committing to mortality. Okay.

Maze has a cute scene at the end. She cleans up the mess from the fire and saves a feather from the wings.

Overall, this was a disappointment. There were a couple of cute scenes (foul/fowl play!), but otherwise, it was meh. I'm bummed that the supernatural plot was lame and quickly resolved, and the insanely boring police subplot (Palmetto, Palmetto, Palmetto...ugh) seems to go on forever. The shoddy world building annoys me. The music wasn't that good either. Bleh.

It hope the next episode is better.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1 Episode 6

This was the best episode yet. The police case is still blah, but now there's a supernatural aspect to it, which makes all the difference. Maze and Archangel Douchebag are fabulous, and Dr. Martin rocks. The music is fantastic. Plus, there's a Tom Sizemore cameo.

What more can you ask for? Nothing.

The show opens up with Tom Ellis singing "Sinnerman" on the piano at Lux. Great scene (here it is on YouTube). I could listen to this forever. During the song, we cut to a warehouse where a security guard is murdered. One of the items in the warehouse, we are told, belongs to a Mr. Morningstar.

Cute scene between Chloe, her ex, and Trixie. Trixie says Lucifer made her eat her birthday cake. Trixie's dad tells Chloe that she needs to keep Satan away from their kid. Shared custody can be such a pain, am I right?

Back at Lux. Lucifer turns down a threesome to help out the police. Maze is not happy about this.

Warehouse murder scene. Lucifer is bored so he makes jokes.

Back at Lux. Lucifer is whining about how boring the case is. Maze is not here for the whining. She shuts him up and announces that the container belongs to him. They need to recover it. Lucifer is not that concerned about it, but Maze reminds him that his reputation is at stake. Maze's necklace, btw, is gorgeous. I wonder if it doubles as a weapon. I'd love to see it in action.

Lucifer returns to the warehouse. He tells Chloe that the container is his. It has "personal stuff."

Lucifer interrogates a gyro truck vendor. He tells them to go talk to a biker gang. The warehouse is in their territory. The biker gang's name is Los Diablos, which is very fitting.

Chloe calls her ex and asks him to investigate Lucifer's club. She thinks that the contents of the container may be illegal.

May be illegal? It's a container so she's not talking about drugs or weapons. She's worried about contraband Louis Vuitton bags and Nike sneakers. I'm cracking up at this point.

Chloe's ex goes to examine the books at Lux. The scene with Maze is pure gold. Apparently Lux is always full of customers, but she's claiming a loss in her tax returns. I didn't think I could love Maze more, but it turns out I can. Maze knocks him unconscious and we fade out.

Lucifer is in session with Dr. Martin. I love Dr. Martin, but this is actually not my favorite scene. Blah, blah, blah...identiy...blah, blah, blah. Lucifer leaves and Archangel Douchebag shows up. They chat about Lucifer.

Chloe's ex wakes up naked in the beach cottage. Wait, is the sofa a bed? There's no second bedroom? Anywho, Trixie helps him sneak out of the house. It's a cute scene. I love Trixie.

Chloe's ex shows up at Lux in pink sweatpants and a 'NSync shirt. Maze is amused. I loved this. It's hilarious. Does it mean that Chloe is a boy band fan? Actually, I'm hoping it means that Penelope Decker dater a boy band singer. I'm still waiting to meet Penelope. I hope the writers bring her in soon.

Apparently, Maze was hoping that Chloe and her ex would get back together. She's very disappointed.

Chloe and Lucifer go to see the biker gang. They bicker. Tom Sizemore shows up. Yeay! He tells them that the club is trying to go legit. His guys wouldn't kill anyone. Chloe shows him a cross-shaped imprint from the dead guy's neck. He doesn't say anything.

Dr. Martin and Archangel Douchebag chat over wine. He tells her to pretend to believe that Lucifer is the devil. This sounds like really bad advice, and I'm surprised Dr. Martin buys it.

Chloe thinks that the biker gang leader recognized the imprint and will try to meet up with the killer. They wait until he comes out and then they follow his bike. Meanwhile, they chat. Chloe admits that she likes working with Lucifer, but she's worried about the illegal contraband. He tells her that he'd never lie to her. She asks him what was in the container. "Russian dolls," he answers.

The gang leader meets with someone under a bridge. The guy shoots him. Chloe calls for backup. She helps the gang leader while Lucifer chases the killer through the streets of Los Angeles.

Lucifer follows the killer into a building. They reach the roof and he asks him who stole the container. Very good acting by Tom Ellis. Lucifer shows him the killer his real face. The guy jumps from the roof.

Oopsie. Lucifer actually looks remorseful about this. Kind of like a cat when the mouse dies.

The take the guy away and Chloe tells Lucifer that they found his container. They go and open it up. I contains a box full of Russian dolls. Chloe leaves, and Lucifer opens a secret compartment in the back. It's empty.

Chloe's ex shows up for Taco Tuesday. This was a subplot about the ex having a work thing so he couldn't show up for Trixie's cooking night. It was boring so I skipped it. The Taco Tuesday scene is cute though.

Lucifer shows up for therapy with Dr. Martin. She wonders why he's so upset now. He'd told her the items were not important. She says that sometimes we have to lose something to understand its value. Then she talks about identity. They go into some world building. Apparently, Lucifer is God's son and he was cast out to do the most important of jobs. Dr. Martin says it was a gift, an act of love. It sounds like she's trying to convince him that he's not really an evil being. He's just an angel with a really sucky job. Lucifer is skeptical and I don't blame him. Dr. Martin tells him to embrace all that he is, and he says he can't "because they were stolen from him."

Cut to Lucifer's apartment. He leans over the balcony overlooking the city, shirtless. Maze walks up behind him. The camera focuses on the scars on his back.

"Someone's got them, Mazikeen. Someone's got my wings."

Cut to the wings, bloody stumps and all, hanging on someone's wall as a trophy.

This was fantastic. I loved this episode. LOVED. I'm really looking forward to the next one. The whole "not the Devil, just an angel" angel is intriguing. In the Judeo-Christian mythos Lucifer led a rebellion against his creator and was thus consigned to hell. That idea is pretty central to the entity, note Milton's "better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven" line. The show seems to sweep that aside. Here, Lucifer didn't rebel. He was assigned Hell. This, along with the whole "justice for the wicked" blabbing in the past couple of episodes seems to indicate that he's being spun as an angel of justice type. I'm not particularly thrilled by this (I liked Gaiman's nihilistic devil better), but I'm willing to see where it leads.

All pictures belong to Fox Entertainment.

Lucifer Recap, Episode 4 of Season 1.

Chloe is in the shower (gorgeous tile, btw). She hears a noise, grabs a gun and a towel and heads out. She finds Lucifer making breakfast. Her towel falls to the floor. Banter ensues.

Lucifer, disturbed by the incident, goes to visit Dr. Martin. She's with a patient, though. It's a funny scene. Very enjoyable.

Detective Ex-husband brings Chloe a case. It's a missing girl and I'm already losing interest. Something, something...player subculture...geeks...something. Chloe needs to go undercover because the events are exclusive.

Wait, what? No, they're not. The Pick-Up Artists are a financial scam. If you can pay, you can get in. What, the LAPD can't comp a $3000 ticket for a geeky officer to attend? Apparently not. Lucifer, however, is on the "exclusive" list so he's can get Chloe in.

Okey-dokey. Whatever. I've given up on these little mysteries by now.

Back to Lucifer's therapy session. Dr. Martin tells him that he's given Chloe too much power and he has to get take his power back. Lucifer, being Lucifer, concludes that he has to get her to sleep with him.

Now this is more like it.

Chloe asks Lucifer to get her into the player event. He agrees because it's an opportunity to seduce her.

"When Hell freezes over," Chloe says.
"I can arrange that," Lucifer replies.

This is why I love this show.

They go to the event. The victim's brother shows up and makes a scene. There's a really cute scene with one of the security guards. The brother tells them that his sister was killed by the Player Guy. They stay at the event and investigate. There's some banter and stuff. Lucifer outs Chloe as a cop and they get kicked out.

I'm bored now.

Luckily the next scene is Maze beating up Archangel Douchebag. It is fantastic.

Chloe visits Lucifer in his condo. He's naked. Lucifer is all cocky and seductive until Chloe tries to touch the scars on his back. Things get real at that point. This is a great scene. The actors do a fabulous job and Chloe's facial expressions are amazing.

Lucifer convinces the Player to do his next event at Lux, his club. He buys Chloe a sexy red dress (amazing dress!). The Player guy recognizes Lucifer and pulls out a gun. Maze disarms him. Player guy tells them that the girl was his girlfriend and that she was kidnapped. Lucifer is, once again, appalled at the fact that this guy is also a fake. He pretends to be an alpha buy who loves them and leaves them, but is, instead, a mushy guy in love with his girl. I'm not sure why there's a problem with this, but, apparently, there is one. Lucifer hates fakes.

Lucifer grabs the Player's phone, calls the kidnappers, and arranges for a transfer. I like this. It's a good strategy. He even admits that he's doing it to impress Chloe.

Chloe thinks this is stupid, but Lucifer reminds her that he's immortal.

The transfer takes place in an abandoned warehouse/factory. There's cute banter. Lucifer keeps mentioning his immortality, particularly his resistance to bullets. This leads me to believe that he's getting shot in a couple of minutes. The Player guy shows up and they follow him into the warehouse.

A guy in a face mask asks for the money. They give him the money and ask to see the girl. The guy refuses to comply and the Player guy pulls out a gun.

Player guy gets shot and falls to the floor. The shooter is the kidnapped girl. Turns out it was all a plot to punish Player guy for dumping her some years ago when he was writing his book. This is somewhat unsatisfying.

There's a lot of talk of punishment and stuff. Chloe comes in. Yada, yada. She shoots Lucifer (I'm not sure why) and it actually hurts him. It's a funny scene, but kind of random.

The police arrive and the fake kidnap victim and her brother are arrested. Player guy has learned an important lesson. End of investigation.

Cute scene between Chloe and her daughter. I like Trixie. She's a fantastic character.

Cut to the club, where Lucifer seems really excited about getting shot for real. Maze rolls her eyes.
I'm with Maze. I don't get what's going on and I'm starting to get frustrated with the mysteries and the metaphysical worldbuilding.

If this were a Neil Gaiman comic book, Archangel Douchebag would kidnap Trixie and take her to Hell. Lucifer would have to return home to rescue her and Chloe and Maze would go with him. Douchebag would capture Lucifer and try to force him to become King of Hell again. Trixie would rescue Lucifer with the help of a pack of hellhounds she'd tamed. Trixie would become the Queen of Hell. Maze would be her vizier. Chloe and Lucifer would come back to Earth and live happily ever after.

There would be no crappy murder mysteries. It would be all banter and funny lines.

There, I fixed the show.

Lucifer Recap, Episode 2 of Season 1

Credits roll. The music in this show is fabulous. Very appropriate.

Lucifer walks down the street and meets a fake preacher. Somehow he is very offended by the fact that they guy is just putting up a show. I'm kind of confused about this. Why is this such a big deal? Why not attack the shell game people or the Reiki massage quacks?

Anywho, we cut to a scene between him and Dr. Martin. He tells her that he is the devil and she says that "she can work within his metaphor." I love Dr. Martin. She's cute.

Lucifer returns to his club. Chloe is there doing undercover surveillance. Maze serves her a drink and tells her that she "followed him [Lucifer] through the gates of Hell." I love Maze too.

Lucifer and Chloe banter then she gets called to a case. The son of a movie star was killed in a car accident. He was being chased by a paparazzi. Chloe seems to know the pap. Lucifer shows up. He figures out that Chloe hates the paparazzi, so he interrogates him. The pap confesses, but Lucifer forces the truth out of him. He didn't do it. Chloe wants to prove his innocence even though she hates him. Lucifer seems very intrigued by this.

It's been only a few minutes and I've already lost interest in this mystery. I know I find the police procedural part of the show boring, but this must be a record.

More fabulous music. We are now in Lucifer's apartment. It is so fabulous I wrote a whole blog about it.

Archangel Douchebag returns. Threats are exchanged. Douchebag tells Lucifer that his time on earth is changing him. Lucifer scoffs.

Chloe is reviewing evidence in her house.  Apparently, she's not supposed to? I must have missed that. The beach cottage is so amazing, I also wrote a blog post about it. Lucifer arrives. He asks how Chloe can afford this place. Chloe explains that it belongs to her mother. I really want to meet Penelope. She sounds fabulous.

Lucifer breaks into the prison and interrogates the paparazzi. It's not about the case, though. He wants to know about Chloe.

The paparazzi hounded Chloe at her father's funeral. Chloe flipped out and punched the camera.

I'm kind of underwhelmed by this.

Anyway, the pap has always felt guilty about this (really? color me skeptical). Lucifer forces him to confess that he's protecting someone. He doesn't get a name though. I guess Lucifer's mind torture skills are rusty. Or maybe that's part of the change?

Chloe is visiting the victim's father, who was an amazing pool (sorry, real estate is a bit of an obsession of mine). The dad is feeling guilty. Chloe tells him that he thinks the pap is not guilty. The dad says it may be another one of the paparazzi, but he doesn't know the name.

Back at Lucifer's club. Maze is being bitchy. I could watch this forever. Lucifer reacts badly. Chloe shows up and Lucifer calms down.

Chloe and Lucifer go to a red carpet even looking for the other paparazzi. Lucifer taunts them. One of them takes the bait, but disappears.

Chloe's kitchen. She's chatting with her ex who gives her some info on the case. The red carpet incident is on the gossip news and they're afraid that Trixie will find out about the "Hot Tub High School" Movie. I don't understand why. This is L.A. Doesn't everyone have a soft porn movie in their past?

They track down the second pap, but get nothing. The pap is fixated on getting the first picture, and may be staging his pics. Lucifer seems to be appalled by the thought, which is strange.

Chloe and Lucifer discuss the case. They think the second pap did it, but they don't have any proof. Maze overhears the conversation, and adds some bitchy commentary. She's fabulous.

Chloe talks to the first pap about the second pap, who he mentored. He also seems appalled by the fact that Josh faked his pics. I thought all paps staged photos. Heck, it's a main element in one of my books (Snowbound with Ghost, if you must know). I researched this. I know I'm right.

Anywho, in Lucifer-land, everyone is appalled at paparazzi misbehavior. It's like Casablanca, I guess. The first pap knew that the second pap was in an accident and covered for him. Why? Apparently, he has a soft spot for his protégé.

Lucifer and Maze go to get the second pap. Maze seems really excited about this.

I'm somewhat confused. Two demons raining down punishment? For a measly vehicular manslaughter? It seems excessive. I don't really care, though, because Maze is badass.

Dark alley. Lucifer gets Pap 1 and Maze gets Pap 2. Maze is fantastic. Lucifer gives them two guns. Pap 2 grabs one and shoots Pap 1.

Ooops, there's no bullets. Pap 1 grabs the gun and aims it at Pap 2.

Chloe gets there. She asks Pap 1 not to shoot.

Pap 1 shoots. Lucifer summons Archangel Douchebag. Time slows down and Lucifer plucks the bullet off the air. Archangel Douchebag leaves. Apparently, he was summoned solely for his time-slowing effect. Maze rolls her eyes. She looks like she's thinking "I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I hope it was fun." I'm with Maze.

Douchebag leaves and time resumes its flow. Everyone is confused. The police arrive. Chloe saw Pap 1 shoot and she doesn't understand what happened. Lucifer is evasive.

Chloe goes home. She talks to Trixie about "Hot Tub High School." Trixie already knows about it and thinks it's NBD. Cool kid.

Cut to Lucifer's therapy session with Dr. Martin. They're not wearing much clothing. Blah, blah, blah...Lucifer's changing...blah, blah.

Chloe goes to visit the music producer from Episode 2. He's in the mental hospital and starts banging his head against the plexiglass when asked about Lucifer.

That's it. The end.

I found this episode unsatisfying. The "murder" was really an accident and I don't understand why everyone is so appalled at the paparazzi peccadilloes. It was tragic, I know, but it wasn't a cold-blooded, premeditated death. I also don't understand why the paps are covering up for one another (at first I thought they were related, but that didn't seem to be the case) or why Lucifer can't get a confession and has to summon Archangel Douchebag to stop a bullet. He seems oddly underpowered in this episode.

On the other hand. I love the banter and Maze was fabulous.

See you next time.