So, Witches of East End returns for a second season. That’s exciting news. I’ve missed that house. *sniff*
But that means I should finish my Season 1 recaps. And it’s been a couple of months, so I should have recovered from the trauma inflicted by the season finale, right?
I mean six months should be enough to forget the fact that they killed off (spoiler alert!) my three favorite characters, right? After all, I’m a mature, rational human being. I can’t still be sore because they offed Virginia Madsen.
The first half of the episode is a series of vignettes where people find out stuff that they should have found out a loooooong time ago. And they do stupid thing they really shouldn’t do because, reasons. Asgardians, as we The Mighty Thor fans figured out long ago, aren’t too strong on the IQ front.
Anywho, the episode opens with out star-crossed lovers, Killian and Freya. Killian tries to convince Freya to dump his brother and sail off into the sunset with him. Freya, however, insists on marrying Dash. Killian tells her that Dash will destroy her.
Aunt Wendy turns into a cat and investigates the catacombs under Fairhaven. She finds out that someone is trying to open the portal to Asgard. She runs back home and tell Joanna. They can’t figure out who this person could be.
Er, maybe the lady who’s spent bucketloads of money restoring the house? Maybe?
Said lady boils some stuff in a cauldron and creates a bat tornado. Not suspicious at all. But Virginia Madsen looks awesome, y’all. Great shot.
Oh, and before that Ingrid shot Mike, the creepy guy that’s looking for the portal to Asgard. Isn’t that weird, that there’s someone looking for the portal to Asgard? She should probably tell someone. Like maybe, during the pre-wedding bonding session between the witches and Victor, the girls’ dad? Or maybe when her dad tells her all about how Asgard is full of evil people who want to kill them? Or maybe when she finds out about the long-lost brother Frederick, who was left behind in Asgard?
Oh, I guess not. No need to band together to stop this crazy guy or anything. I mean, we have a wedding to plan. Priorities, people.
Blah, blah, blah wedding. Penelope stomps around looking menacing. The girls try a couple of protection spells (spoiler: they don’t work). Crazy Mike picks up a gun and crashes the wedding.
At this point, I’m Team Crazy Mike. At least he has a plan. And it makes sense.
This is when Victor tells Freya that he knew her during one of her prior lives, when, you know, she was madly in love with this guy who was the spitting image of Killian. And so maybe Killian is her reincarnated love.
Yeah, he brings it up right before her wedding. Way to go, dad.
Joanna finally figures out the Penelope is the shifter. Duh. She tells Wendy, who is wearing a large pair of very conspicuous dark sunglasses. Does Joanna notice the ominous eyewear?
They head to the catacombs and Wendy/Penelope zaps Joanna with a magic ray. Penelope straps Joanna to a table and starts to monologue, Blah, blah, blah… Athena… blah, blah, blah… revenge. Turns out Killian and Dash do have magic powers but Penelope stole them when they were young. That’s pretty interesting. I’m a little apprehensive about the monologue, though. Is Penelope going to fall into the classic villain mistake?
Nope, she stabs Joanna with a tube full of poison. Go, Penelope!
Freya listens to an old record. She looks kind of sad and thoughtful.
Killian’s in his boat preparing to sail away.
Freya breaks up with Dash. Finally! Dash does not take it well.
Crazy Mike crashes the wedding party, pulls out a gun, and orders Ingrid to take him to the portal. Go, Crazy Mike. You know, I like the villains in this show. They’re so logical and effective. I’m totally Team Villain right now.
Penelope steals Joanna’s immortality. Mike orders Ingrid to open the portal, but she doesn’t know how. He shoots Ingrid and her blood opens the portal. See what I said about logical and effective villains?
Wendy finds Joanna. Big fight between Wendy and Penelope. I’m a little scared because Wendy is on her last life and, hey, I love Aunt Wendy. But no need to worry, Wendy throws Penelope into a fiery furnace. Bye, bye, Penelope.
I’m totally bummed out. This looks like a pretty permanent kind of death, but it can’t be, right? She’s an awesome villain and she has Joanna’s immortality now. She can come back, right?
Killian and Dash recover their powers.
Oh, crap. I guess Penelope is really dead. Oh, well, I still have crazy Mike.
Dash hits Killian, puts him on his boat, and lets the boat float away. Oh bugger, Killian’s dead too? What is this? Kill all the interesting characters week?
Oh, well, there’s always Crazy Mike.
Wendy unties Joanna and they run to rescue Ingrid. The portal to Asgard opens and Crazy Mike is incinerated.
Aaaaaand, I’ve lost Crazy Mike. Unbelievable.
The witches stare at the portal and we fade to black. That’s it. That’s the season finale.
I’m really bummed out at this point. All I have left is Aunt Wendy and the fabulous house at this point. At least they gave me a close-up shot of the awesome kitchen tile as a consolation prize.
Really, how awesome does that look? I think it's either Calacatta marble or Grecian White. I also love the taupe beadboard on top. Awesome.
And now, back to bummerland. I can’t believe they killed off Killian and left me with Victor and Dash. Bummer. Frederick Beauchamps better be a real hottie, or next season is going to suck.
Anyway, on to next season.
All pictures belong to Lifetime Television.
All pictures belong to Lifetime Television.