Witches of East End Recap - Season 2 Episode 4

Wendy and Herb Guy are out on a date. They get a little visitor and this is, seriously, the grossest thing if seen in this show to date. Wendy grabs the rodent and does something weird to it. The rat runs away. Wendy and Herb Guy get back to flirting. Ugh.

We cut to Victor’s dungeon. His torturer comes to taunt him and -- surprise! -- it’s not Frederick. I'm actually a bit surprised. 

Mr. Rat runs into the dungeon and -- another surprise! -- it's actually Ms. Rat.  Ratsy shape-shifts into a gorgeous girl and tells Mr. Torturer that she’s found Wendy. There’s a weird wound-licking thing between Mr. Torturer and Ms. Rat.

Dash and Ingrid bond in the library. Total awkwardness.

Joanna and Wendy chat in the kitchen. Wendy tells her about her about her ruined date. Joanna tells her that she’s very happy with Victor, who, by the way, texted her and said that he’ll be arriving a bit late.

Oh man, I have a bad feeling about this. Victor’s going to be late. Yeah. Very late.

Back to Winterhaven. Dash and Killian have a chat. Killian doesn’t remember the fight. Dash looks relieved.

Convenient. Verra convenient.

A lawyer arrives at Winterhaven. He gives the boys a box, tells them it’s Penelope’s legacy, and leaves. That will be $5200 in billable hours, guys. There’s a weird scepter-type thing in the box and it glows when the boys touch it.

I really hope Penelope’s spirit is trapped in the scepter. Fingers crossed.

Back to the torture lair. More taunting. Apparently, Frederick is not a bad guy. Boo.

Stonehaven attic. No, the artifact did not suck the boys’ life force and resuscitate Penelope. I’m heartbroken. Heartbroken, I tell. How dare you toy with me this way, Lifetime?

Anywho, Dash and Killian study the scepter. There’s a note inside that says “follow the path” in Latin. Funny how Dash can read Latin. I guess Penelope sent her kids to private school. Dash tells Killian that they are warlocks. He seems to take it well. Then he tells him that the Beauchamps are also magical. That freaks Killian out.

Wendy and Herb guy are throwing darts in the bar. Wendy stabs him in the back with the dart. Awesome date technique, Aunt Wendy.

Frederick and Freya are at the bar. Mr Torturer and Rat Girl arrive. Frederick is seriously uncomfortable, but the duo introduce themselves to Freya as “friends from the old country.” Freya seems okay with that.

Um, really? Sinister-looking people tell you they are fellow Asgardian exiles and you just smile and hand them drinks? Seriously, does the stupid never end in this show?

Back to Weshaven. Dash has an awesome antique Chesterfield sofa in the attic. I’m really digging it. 

The boys chant the words in the paper. The paper flies off and lands on a wood plank. It burns a scorpion-like symbol onto the plank. Dash and Killian pry up the plank and extract a book. It’s their family’s grimoire.

Back at the bar, the word ‘twincest’ comes up. No, it’s not the Beauchamps siblings. The Torturer and Rat Girl are twins and lovers. Freya freaks out. 

The Gruesome Twosome threaten Frederick. Mr. Torturer shows him a video of Victor in the dungeon, while Rat Girl stalks Freya. Whoa! I think Lifetime just covered twincest, and lesbian bestiality (beslianism? Lesbiality?) in one episode. Way to go, Lifetime! Rat Girl breathes some kind of noxious vapor on Freya.

Good to see Darwin is still alive and well in the WoEE universe.

Killian and Dash try out a protections spell. I’m not sure why. Who is threatening them again? This makes no sense, but there’s a pentagram and candles and it looks very cool. I’ll go with it.

Wendy and Herb Guy have a flat tire and Wendy’s phone is not working. A car almost crashes into them and Wendy spells it away. Herb Guy was a medic in Fallujah and he has a sad story he shares with Wendy. Basically, his army buddy died and he’s all YOLO now. They kiss.

The Torturer taunts Frederick. He’s looking for the key because he wants to go back to Asgard.

Seriously, wasn’t this the plot from last season? Anyways, if Frederick doesn’t find the key, they’ll kill Freya. Apparently, they already killed Victor.

Frederick looks pouty.

Back to Winterhaven, where Dash puts his hand in a flame. The spell worked! Killian tries it, but gets burnt. Then he coughs up a tooth. Ew, gross.

Commercial break. Tonight’s episode is brought to you by M&Ms. Um, guys, someone just coughed up a tooth. Seriously? The ad placement for this show is kind of weird.

Another ad. Maybelline is also a sponsor. Okee Dokee. I expect the next segment will feature leprosy.

Dash calls Ingrid in a panic and asks her for help. Really, he asks Ingrid for help with a malfunctioning spell. LMAO. Killian’s hair starts falling off.

Hey, it’s not leprosy, but I’ll take it.

Another commercial break. It's a L'Oreal commercial. I'm not even kidding here. Wow.

Ingrid leaves the library. She looks weird.

Frederick  is back at the house trying to steal the Bauchamps grimoire. Joanna finds him. He explains the situation and she tells him to stay home, because she’s going to take care of it. Frederick pouts.

Ingrid doesn’t go help Dash. She enters the forest and makes out with her tentacled lover. Apparently it is a type of incubus.

Torture chamber time. Freya is bound to a chair, surrounded by pink bottles with weird symbols. It looks really cool. Rat Girl starts kissing her. Freya does not like it.

Oh, Victor’s not dead. Hmm, wonder how long that will last.

Joanna arrives and frees Freya. Rat Girl does something to a vintage hourglass, returns to animal form and runs away. Freya starts to stand up, but Joanna stops her. Rat Girl’s spell is some kind of time bomb. If Freya stands up, she will kill them all.

Very cool. I like this.

Ingrid wakes up in the forest. She has weird wounds on her back. She checks her phone and finds out dozens of texts from Dash. The Gardiner boys are freaking out.

Back in Winterhaven, Killian is in bed and Dash is trying, and failing, to find a cure. Ingrid arrives and does a healing spell, which -- yet another surprise! -- actually works. Killian gets better, but Ingrid tells Dash that she’s only cured an injury. She can’t reverse a spell that she hasn’t cast. She checks out the spell book and finds out that the spell transfers energy from one person to another. Dash is sucking Killian’s life force.

Way to go, Dash. Kill your brother twice, why don’t you?

I’m starting to wonder about Owl Girl. Shouldn’t she be involved in this somehow? Shouldn’t she be able to feel that Killian is dying? Hmm.

Frederick arrives at the library with the grimoire. The Torturer (his name is Ivar, good to know) tells him to do the spell. He wants to leave without Rat Girl.

Man, twincest isn’t what it used to be, is it?

Frederick chants a spell, but it doesn’t open the portal. Instead, it conjures up a snake that attacks Ivar. Ivar tells Frederick that he’s even more evil than they are. Frederick kills him.

Why did I bother with this guy’s name? He’s a goner already. I swear, as soon as I learn a bad guy’s name, they die. I’m getting frustrated here, Lifetime.

Wendy kisses Herb Boy. Apparently, she ate something he’s allergic to. He drops epi pens on the floor.

Meanwhile, back at Winterhaven, Ingrid and the boys reverse the spell. Well, that was fun. Let’s do that again sometime.

Torture chamber time. Freya tells Joanna to take Victor and leave. Victor decides to change places with Freya.

Oh crap, another one bites the dust. Teary death scene. Boom boom.

Bye, Victor. We hardly knew ye.

Herb Boy and Wendy finish their date. Herb Boy is willing to risk death to be with her. How sweet. 

Foreshadowing, anyone? You know what? I’m not going to bother learning his name. I’m onto you, Lifetime. You’re not going to trick me again.

Dash and Killian hide the Gardiner grimoire. They’re done with magic. Ingrid arrives to say goodbye. Dash notices that she’s bleeding and asks her what happened. Ingrid tears up and tells him that she doesn’t know. She asks for his help. Dash looks soulfully into her eyes and tells her that he’ll do anything for her.

That was a very sweet scene. I was skeptical about the Ingrid-Dash thing, but it’s starting to grow on me. 

Frederick arrives home. Joanna is sitting by the fire, crying and drinking tea. She tells him that Victor’s dead. Frederick says that it’s his fault. Joanna seems to agree, but I’m not sure why. Frederick pouts.

Killian goes to the bar to confront Freya. She tells him that her father died and starts crying. They end up embracing. Owl girl is still nowhere to be seen.

Another person gets attacked by the weird cloudy thing. Oh, Tentacle Guy seems to be behind the attacks. I guess Ingrid’s not the only one feeding him, then. Tentacle Guy, Tentacle Guy… doing the things a tentacle can.

End of Episode.

Hmm. Victor’s death was kind of unnecessary and the Herb Guy “doomed date” thing is not as cute as these guys think, but I still liked this episode. The relationship between Dash and Ingrid is growing on me, and Rat Girl is a promising villain. She reminds me of Drusilla from Buffy. I wish they’d kept Ivar, though. This thing needs more cool villains.

I’m looking forward to next week’s episode.

All pictures belong to Lifetime Television.