Chloe is in the shower (gorgeous tile, btw). She hears a noise, grabs a gun and a towel and heads out. She finds Lucifer making breakfast. Her towel falls to the floor. Banter ensues.
Lucifer, disturbed by the incident, goes to visit Dr. Martin. She's with a patient, though. It's a funny scene. Very enjoyable.
Detective Ex-husband brings Chloe a case. It's a missing girl and I'm already losing interest. Something, something...player subculture...geeks...something. Chloe needs to go undercover because the events are exclusive.
Wait, what? No, they're not. The Pick-Up Artists are a financial scam. If you can pay, you can get in. What, the LAPD can't comp a $3000 ticket for a geeky officer to attend? Apparently not. Lucifer, however, is on the "exclusive" list so he's can get Chloe in.
Okey-dokey. Whatever. I've given up on these little mysteries by now.
Back to Lucifer's therapy session. Dr. Martin tells him that he's given Chloe too much power and he has to get take his power back. Lucifer, being Lucifer, concludes that he has to get her to sleep with him.
Now this is more like it.
Chloe asks Lucifer to get her into the player event. He agrees because it's an opportunity to seduce her.
"When Hell freezes over," Chloe says.
"I can arrange that," Lucifer replies.
This is why I love this show.
They go to the event. The victim's brother shows up and makes a scene. There's a really cute scene with one of the security guards. The brother tells them that his sister was killed by the Player Guy. They stay at the event and investigate. There's some banter and stuff. Lucifer outs Chloe as a cop and they get kicked out.
I'm bored now.
Luckily the next scene is Maze beating up Archangel Douchebag. It is fantastic.
Chloe visits Lucifer in his condo. He's naked. Lucifer is all cocky and seductive until Chloe tries to touch the scars on his back. Things get real at that point. This is a great scene. The actors do a fabulous job and Chloe's facial expressions are amazing.
Lucifer convinces the Player to do his next event at Lux, his club. He buys Chloe a sexy red dress (amazing dress!). The Player guy recognizes Lucifer and pulls out a gun. Maze disarms him. Player guy tells them that the girl was his girlfriend and that she was kidnapped. Lucifer is, once again, appalled at the fact that this guy is also a fake. He pretends to be an alpha buy who loves them and leaves them, but is, instead, a mushy guy in love with his girl. I'm not sure why there's a problem with this, but, apparently, there is one. Lucifer hates fakes.
Lucifer grabs the Player's phone, calls the kidnappers, and arranges for a transfer. I like this. It's a good strategy. He even admits that he's doing it to impress Chloe.
Chloe thinks this is stupid, but Lucifer reminds her that he's immortal.
The transfer takes place in an abandoned warehouse/factory. There's cute banter. Lucifer keeps mentioning his immortality, particularly his resistance to bullets. This leads me to believe that he's getting shot in a couple of minutes. The Player guy shows up and they follow him into the warehouse.
A guy in a face mask asks for the money. They give him the money and ask to see the girl. The guy refuses to comply and the Player guy pulls out a gun.
Player guy gets shot and falls to the floor. The shooter is the kidnapped girl. Turns out it was all a plot to punish Player guy for dumping her some years ago when he was writing his book. This is somewhat unsatisfying.
There's a lot of talk of punishment and stuff. Chloe comes in. Yada, yada. She shoots Lucifer (I'm not sure why) and it actually hurts him. It's a funny scene, but kind of random.
The police arrive and the fake kidnap victim and her brother are arrested. Player guy has learned an important lesson. End of investigation.
Cute scene between Chloe and her daughter. I like Trixie. She's a fantastic character.
Cut to the club, where Lucifer seems really excited about getting shot for real. Maze rolls her eyes.
I'm with Maze. I don't get what's going on and I'm starting to get frustrated with the mysteries and the metaphysical worldbuilding.
If this were a Neil Gaiman comic book, Archangel Douchebag would kidnap Trixie and take her to Hell. Lucifer would have to return home to rescue her and Chloe and Maze would go with him. Douchebag would capture Lucifer and try to force him to become King of Hell again. Trixie would rescue Lucifer with the help of a pack of hellhounds she'd tamed. Trixie would become the Queen of Hell. Maze would be her vizier. Chloe and Lucifer would come back to Earth and live happily ever after.
There would be no crappy murder mysteries. It would be all banter and funny lines.
There, I fixed the show.
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