Fave Tarot Reading

This is from www.urbanbaby.com. I cracked up when I read it. This is absolutely something Luanne, the heroine of Fortune Favors the Witch, would say. :)

Lucifer, Season 1, Episode 10

Chloe and Lucifer are inspecting a crime scene in what seems to be a Whole Foods store. I like it! I've always felt those places are full of untapped aggression. Too much kale and whole grains. The victim seems to have been poisoned, which is exciting. Hardly anyone gets poisoned in crime shows nowadays.

Lucifer recognizes the victim as a Mexican chef called Javier Arias. He apparently owned a restaurant called "Sol de Javier." According to Lucifer the guy was a great chef, but I just can't get over that restaurant name. "Sol de Javier"? Who would use that?

Anyway, they go to the restaurant to interview the staff. They called the victim "Pops" and said that they all saw him as a father figure. Why not "Papi" though? He was Latino right? Why would a Latino chef go with "Pops"? Chloe and Lucifer discuss his daddy issues, and then...

Penelope Decker arrives! She's just as fabulous as I imagined. I'm over the moon with happiness. I've been waiting for this character forever. She's dressed in leopard, OF COURSE! Penelope and Lucifer flirt outrageously and it's simply heaven. Penelope asks them both to attend a family dinner. I love Mama Decker.

Back to the boring crime scene. Sigh. Pops had a temper and threw things. He overworked his staff. Everyone still loved him and thought he was a father figure, and Lucifer projects his daddy issues all over the place. I'm starting to think that the "daddy issues" joke would have worked better if it had been subtler.

They talk to Javier's son who didn't really get along with his dad. Junior was trying to be a chef, but his father was too overbearing about it so Junior gave up cooking and left. Lucifer tries his "secret desire" thing, but it didn't really work. The guy did share his father's last meal which is suspicious. Chloe asks him if he inherits the restaurant now, and Junior says no, he didn't deserve this place.

I call BS on this. The eldest son always gets the family business in Latino families. Always. Didn't deserve it? Who cares? Blood is blood.

But I'm instantly distracted by Maze, who goes to Dr. Martin's office. She wants to go through therapy because she feels out of place here on Earth (duh!). Dr. Martin thinks that this is not a good idea because she's already seeing Lucifer, but she gives Maze some advice anyway. She thinks Maze should start building relationships. If Maze finds some friends, she might feel better about her current situation. I loved this scene. It was fantastic.

Dan confronts Zombie Malcolm and asks why he wanted an untraceable weapon. He figures out that Malcolm wants to kill Lucifer and asks why. Malcolm explains that even if he told him, he wouldn't believe it.

Sounds legit.

Chloe and Lucifer interrogate the sous chef. She was Javier's mentee and a heroin user. She also appears to inherit the restaurant which seems bizarre to me, because no Latino man would ever leave property outside the family. Never. Never ever. Wouldn't happen. No way.

Chloe finds out that the Javier was poisoned with mercury and heroine so little miss sous chef is a subject. Unfortunately, the suspect starts throwing up in the middle of the interrogation. She's been poisoned.

The sous chef gets her stomach pumped and Dan shows up with a suspect profile. A waitress was recently fired from the restaurant and, lo and behold, she has a history as a heroin user. She was also at the restaurant a couple of days ago, screaming at Javier. Chloe invites Dan to the family dinner (he needs someone to run interference on Mama Decker) then she and Lucifer go to the waitresses' house. They find drug paraphernalia on the porch. Lucifer breaks into the house and figures out that Junior has been staying there. Lucifer and Chloe chat about family issues. Chloe apparently resented her mother's childlike personality and how she always dolled up Chloe for auditions.

The waitress shows up. She and Junior are together and are also trying to get clean. She fought with Javier because she was trying to convince him that Junior was getting clean. Javier didn't approve of their relationship or drug use, but Junior was still trying to fix things with him. Chloe is called away on an "emergency."

Chloe arrives at the beach cottage. The "emergency" was that her mom told the babysitter to leave. Trixie is dressed like a trailer park Jonbenet Ramsey because Penelope is taking her to an audition. Chloe flips. Trixie sneaks out of the house while Chloe and Penelope argue.

Trixie used Chloe's phone to get an Uber ride to Lux. Ah, L.A. people problems. There's a very cute scene between Trixie and Maze ("I used to be a zookeeper, sort of."). I love it.

Junior returns to his girlfriend's house and finds Lucifer there. Lucifer taunts him about killing his father but eventually decides that Junior didn't commit the murder. Lucifer's daddy issues resurface. I guess he wants to be free from God's interference or something? Whatevs.

Family dinner at the beach cottage. Dan shows up with cake. Chloe shows up with Trixie and finds out that Lucifer is cooking dinner with Junior, the suspected poisoner. Junior has made a vegetarian mole, which he seems to think is a big deal. Mole is just a sauce you pour over meat. You can easily just pour it over eggplant so I'm not sure why the vegetarian mole is so unique. The food court at Plaza Las Américas had vegetarian mole in the 80s (right next to the David's Cookies), Junior. You're not that special.

Most. Uncomfortable. Dinner. EVER. Lucifer offends everyone. It should be a funny scene, but it isn't. Penelope is very excited when she finds out that Chloe is juggling Dan or Lucifer. Junior tells them that he tried to escape his father, but he couldn't, because his dad was a part of him. Dan takes Junior to the station to get his statement.

The lab called and the heroin used to kill Javier wasn't the same heroin found in the waitresses' house. They now think that the sous chef killed Javier and then poisoned herself to throw them off the scent. They call the hospital and find out that she's left.

They find her at the restaurant, destroying the heroin/mercury mix. Wait? The heroin was IN the restaurant and the police didn't find it? Or did she go to the restaurant to destroy it? If so, why? She wanted to kill Junior, not Javier, but Junior had become a vegetarian (that's why the veggie mole was so important, I guess) so Javier ate his meat and was, therefore, poisoned.

The sous chef tips over a vat of...something and sets it (and the whole restaurant) on fire. Lucifer carries Chloe out of the restaurant and gets burned. Chloe managed to rescue the evidence. The sous chef is arrested. They tell Junior that his father was going to give him the restaurant. Case is over.

Maze goes to see Dr. Martin. She tells the doctor that she's made a new friend. Dr. Martin tells her that's great, but that maybe her next friend should be of drinking age. Maze agrees and asks the doctor, if she'd like to go get a drink. I love this!

Chloe returns home and has a heart-to-heart with her mom (who, of course, already has a glass of wine ready). Her mom is leaving in the morning, and they hug it out before she goes. As her mom goes to bed, Chloe stares at a picture of her, Dan, and her daughter.

Dan meets Malcolm in the docks. He tells Malcolm that he can't let him kill Lucifer. Dan tries to arrest Malcolm, but zombie guy beats him up instead. I guess Dan's dead? No, wait, he's still moving. Malcolm sends Chloe a text.

Chloe turns up at Lux. Dan (actually Malcolm) sent her a breakup text, so she wants to get drunk. She also wants to have sex with Lucifer, who, in a rare attack of conscience, turns her down. Lucifer is very confused.

This was a good episode. The mystery was meh, but I do like Maze's arc and I loved Penelope and Dr. Martin. The whole "daddy issues" thing is not really coming together for me. I guess in this world Lucifer going to Hell wasn't rebelling against God, but leaving Hell is a rebellion? I don't know, and, frankly, I don't find it compelling either. Hopefully, there'll be more Maze in the next episode.

Banshee Creek is real!

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 8

A Dr. Martin episode. Awesome!

I know I complain about how boring the police episodes are, but this one is an exception. It's almost 100% police procedural, but the supporting characters (Dr. Martin FTW!) make it special. The music also improves in this one.

We're at Lux where Lucifer is having a birthday party. He's celebrating is re-birth after getting rid of the wings. Maze is less than pleased. Chloe and her ex show up. Maze's mood does not improve. Chloe wishes Lucifer a happy birthday and gives him a present (some kind of booze, I think). They do shots. She leaves with Dan (I guess I should call her douchebag ex by his name). Lucifer is not pleased.

It's a work party. Back-from-the-dead guy (Malcolm) gives them a hard time. There's some ominous mentions of Hell.

Lucifer goes to see Dr. Martin. He kinda, sorta apologizes for breaking her wall. He's having trouble handling his emotions. Dr. Martin diagnoses it as jealousy. Lucifer scoffs and says "the devil doesn't get jealous." I'm confused because I thought Lucifer rebelled against God because the creation of man made him jealous. Anywho, Lucifer concludes that he's not the one with the problem. Chloe is the one with the problem and she should see Dr. Martin and get those resolved. Dr. Martin's face at the end of this scene is priceless.

Crime scene. Lucifer and Chloe investigate a therapist who got shot. The victim encouraged his patients to cheat on their partners to salvage their relationship. Chloe mentions that the wife was out of town at the time of the crime. The victim's business partner seems very protective of the wife.

Lucifer seduces a judge so Chloe can get a warrant for the victim's confidential client files.

Per the warrant, Dr. Martin has to look through the files and inform the police as to any relevant info. Chloe scolds Lucifer for bringing Dr. Martin into the case, but he's distracted by a sign on a door. "Dr. Canaan" sounds very biblical to him. Dr. Martin found that she shared one of her patients with the victim and that patient was very angry about the "cheating therapy."

Chloe and Lucifr go to investigate the angry patient. He asks her about her divorce. Job was more important to Dan than his family, blah, blah, blah. Chloe thinks he's changed though.

Dr. Martin calls to warn Chloe about the angry patient's self-harming tendencies. Her warning comes at the nick of time. As Lucifer and Chloe park, they see a man hanging on a ledge, about to jump.

Lucifer talks the guy out of his suicide attempt. The scene is hilarious. Good, because this episode is seriously dragging. The angry patient, it turns out, wasn't angry after all. The victim was helping him get over the breakup of his marriage and a whole bunch of other stuff. He also had an alibi for the time of the murder. The angry patient says he ran into the victim's wife two days ago. Chloe is suspicious because the wife had said that she was out of town.

Dr. Martin goes to Lux and chats with Maze who warns her about getting too attached to Lucifer. I love this scene. These two are fantastic. Turns out Lucifer asked Dr. Martin to come to Lux so she could talk to Chloe. Chloe tells her about the victim's wife. Dr. Martin thinks that the wife may have been stalking one of the victim's patient. Chloe gets a call from Dan. She has to go back to her house to meet him. Lucifer is not happy about him.

Chloe enters her cottage. Hello, it's not Dan, it's creepy back-from-the-dead guy. This is not good police work, Chloe. Malcolm (back-from-the-dead guy) is also interested in Palmetto. He claims that he was looking for a crooked cop. Chloe doesn't believe him. Malcolm seems to be very upset about the whole "having been dead" thing. He tells Chloe that the guys who shot him is still out there and "he has no problem shooting cops."

Back to investigating. Chloe, Lucifer and Dr. Martin are in the car. There is much banter. Very nice. They question the wife in a parking lot. The wife confesses to having several pounds of fecal matter in her car. She was going to throw the poop at one of husband patients who is attending group therapy in the building with her husband's business partner. She says her husband fell in love with the patient. She didn't kill him. She just wanted him back.

Dan arrives. He's angry that Malcolm went to see Chloe. He also didn't get any prints off the key they found in Palmetto. Dr. Martin thinks Dan is hot. I'm starting to question Dr. Martin's judgement.

Lucifer interrupts the group therapy. He starts to blabber about himself. This scene should be funny, but it falls kind of flat. He gets the business partner to confess to the murder. He's in love with the victim's wife so he killed him. The guy takes out a knife and threatens Lucifer. Chloe shows up and beats the murderer up which is kind of cool.

There's some tying up of lose ends. Blah, blah, blah...Palmetto. Chloe realizes that Malcolm's partner would have known about the Palmetto meeting through the police GPS trackers. They go to question him and find him dead. Chloe finds a suicide note where the partner confesses to being on the take and shooting Malcolm.

Dr. Martin tells Lucifer that they have to keep their relationship professional from now on. He asks about the mysterious Dr. Canaan and doesn't like the answers he gets.

Chloe thanks Dan for helping her out. They kiss. Dan gets paged and has to go. He's meeting creepy Malcolm who congratulates him on closing Palmetto. Malcolm, it turns out, killed Tony and wrote out the confession. Dan was the one who shot Malcolm. Back-from-the-dead guy is now blackmailing him. He has "big plans" for Dan.

Back to Lux. Lucifer connected the dots and figured out that Maze told Amenadiel (alias Dr. Canaan) about Dr. Martin. He's not happy about the betrayal. I'm confused. She's a demon, what did he expect? Betrayal should be kind of her thing. The worldbuilding in this show confounds me. The have cute ideas, but they can't make up their minds.

I give the episode three stars. I liked Dr. Martin and Maze and Lucifer were amusing. The crime was a dud, as are all the crimes these guys investigate. Who knew L.A. was such a dreary crime city? I'm still bored to death about Palmetto though. Even creepy back-from-the-dead Malcolm and trigger-happy Dan can't make that case interesting. I should care about Chloe and Dan kind of getting back together, but I can't for some reason. We'll see how it goes.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 7

Well, this was a disappointment. Things seemed to be going so well...sigh.

The episode starts off on a high note with Maze picking up a guy in Lux. She ends up waterboarding the guy in Lucifer's hot tup, but, hey, that's Maze. Lucifer wants to know who stole his wings. Maze is fabulous, as always.

Cut to the police station. The Palmetto guy's family is turning off his life support. Chloe's ex wants her to stop investigating the guy so his family can get benefits. Chloe is stubborn and doesn't want to do it.

Chloe's cottage. Lucifer wants some help. However, he gets sidetracked because Chloe is so upset about Palmetto. They chat about it. I become bored. I hate Palmetto. I thought it was a cute backstory at first, but now that it's a real plot, ugh, it's just tiresome.

Lucifer and Aminadel at the beach. Lucifer ask him for help finding his wings. Cue dramatic music. There's some stuff about Lucifer wanting free will and cutting off his wings to achieve that, but other than that, meh. Everyone wears to much clothing.

Back to the cottage. Lucifer asks Chloe for help. She laughs but puts out an APB call for angel wings.  Her ex is also part of the investigation. Oh, goody. /sarcasm

They got the place where the corrupt cops met to exchange money. Chloe is trying to figure out who started the shooting. She can't make head or tails of it. Her ex gets a call. Someone found the angel wings.

Turns out the FBI is staking out a 'holy antiquities' auction. Lucifer's wings are part of the auction. The FBI is raiding the auction that night.

Lucifer attends the auction with Aminadel, who is wearing the most hideous tie in creation. Aminadel wants to return the wings to heaven. They are too dangerous here on earth.

Lucifer gets them into the auction by waiving around a coin.

Chloe's ex takes her to see the Palmetto guy who is in a coma in the hospital. There's a teary confrontation with the guy's family.

They get to meet the auction organizer. The organizer is not a believer. He just wants money. The coin is apparently the "Devil's Coin." I'm not sure what that is. I thought it would be one of Judas' silver coins, but, apparently, no. I couldn't find any "devil's coin" legends on the Internet, but there's a nicely creepy story about it on reddit. Frankly, Judas' coin would've been a better choice than this made up crap.

Aminadel fights with the guy and his security team draws out their guns. Lucifer calms them down by explaining that he's willing to buy the wings.

Auction time. Aminadel wants to know why Lucifer was so scared of the guns. Lucifer tells him that he is vulnerable now and can be hurt. Aminadel is excited about this. When Lucifer dies, he'll return to Hell and Aminadel's mission will be completed. The auction begins. I'm annoyed by the fact that the auctioneer talks about the "papal basilica." Which one? There's four. I'm also annoyed by the whole "stupid people believe in this schtick and are willing to pay for it" attitude. No. Medieval relics are items of intense historical and theological interest. You wouldn't mock someone paying millions of dollars for a DaVinci madonna, would you?

This is irritating. If you're going to write a show about the Christian mythos, do some research. There's plenty of interesting stuff out there about relics. Use it.

There's also a little joke about St. Paul being portly. It's cute, but odd. Lucifer wouldn't know Paul of Tarsus. He would've been exiled to hell thousands of years before Paul's birth. Several saints have encounters with Satan in their bios, but, Paul isn't one of them (here's a list, and another one, and yet one more). This is a small detail, but it's disappointing. Respect your world building people. Do your research.

Chloe arrives in a fantastic dress. She looks AMAZING. There's some cute banter (finally!). The wings are displayed and the FBI arrives. Aminadel does his stopping time routine. Lucifer goes to get the wings and gets a shock. They're fake. Lucifer wants to go after the wings, but Chloe has to take care of some Palmetto stuff.

Yeay, Palmetto. /sarcasm

Chloe goes with her ex to the Palmetto warehouse. To make a long story short (too late!), she figures out that there was someone else there, and that person was the killer. They find a secret passage and an L.A.P.D.  key that seems to confirm her theory.

 Lucifer visits the auction guy at his (very expensive) home, and finds his wings. Aminadel was the one who stole the wings.

Yawn. Lucifer burns his wings. Double yawn. This means he's committing to mortality. Okay.

Maze has a cute scene at the end. She cleans up the mess from the fire and saves a feather from the wings.

Overall, this was a disappointment. There were a couple of cute scenes (foul/fowl play!), but otherwise, it was meh. I'm bummed that the supernatural plot was lame and quickly resolved, and the insanely boring police subplot (Palmetto, Palmetto, Palmetto...ugh) seems to go on forever. The shoddy world building annoys me. The music wasn't that good either. Bleh.

It hope the next episode is better.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1 Episode 6

This was the best episode yet. The police case is still blah, but now there's a supernatural aspect to it, which makes all the difference. Maze and Archangel Douchebag are fabulous, and Dr. Martin rocks. The music is fantastic. Plus, there's a Tom Sizemore cameo.

What more can you ask for? Nothing.

The show opens up with Tom Ellis singing "Sinnerman" on the piano at Lux. Great scene (here it is on YouTube). I could listen to this forever. During the song, we cut to a warehouse where a security guard is murdered. One of the items in the warehouse, we are told, belongs to a Mr. Morningstar.

Cute scene between Chloe, her ex, and Trixie. Trixie says Lucifer made her eat her birthday cake. Trixie's dad tells Chloe that she needs to keep Satan away from their kid. Shared custody can be such a pain, am I right?

Back at Lux. Lucifer turns down a threesome to help out the police. Maze is not happy about this.

Warehouse murder scene. Lucifer is bored so he makes jokes.

Back at Lux. Lucifer is whining about how boring the case is. Maze is not here for the whining. She shuts him up and announces that the container belongs to him. They need to recover it. Lucifer is not that concerned about it, but Maze reminds him that his reputation is at stake. Maze's necklace, btw, is gorgeous. I wonder if it doubles as a weapon. I'd love to see it in action.

Lucifer returns to the warehouse. He tells Chloe that the container is his. It has "personal stuff."

Lucifer interrogates a gyro truck vendor. He tells them to go talk to a biker gang. The warehouse is in their territory. The biker gang's name is Los Diablos, which is very fitting.

Chloe calls her ex and asks him to investigate Lucifer's club. She thinks that the contents of the container may be illegal.

May be illegal? It's a container so she's not talking about drugs or weapons. She's worried about contraband Louis Vuitton bags and Nike sneakers. I'm cracking up at this point.

Chloe's ex goes to examine the books at Lux. The scene with Maze is pure gold. Apparently Lux is always full of customers, but she's claiming a loss in her tax returns. I didn't think I could love Maze more, but it turns out I can. Maze knocks him unconscious and we fade out.

Lucifer is in session with Dr. Martin. I love Dr. Martin, but this is actually not my favorite scene. Blah, blah, blah...identiy...blah, blah, blah. Lucifer leaves and Archangel Douchebag shows up. They chat about Lucifer.

Chloe's ex wakes up naked in the beach cottage. Wait, is the sofa a bed? There's no second bedroom? Anywho, Trixie helps him sneak out of the house. It's a cute scene. I love Trixie.

Chloe's ex shows up at Lux in pink sweatpants and a 'NSync shirt. Maze is amused. I loved this. It's hilarious. Does it mean that Chloe is a boy band fan? Actually, I'm hoping it means that Penelope Decker dater a boy band singer. I'm still waiting to meet Penelope. I hope the writers bring her in soon.

Apparently, Maze was hoping that Chloe and her ex would get back together. She's very disappointed.

Chloe and Lucifer go to see the biker gang. They bicker. Tom Sizemore shows up. Yeay! He tells them that the club is trying to go legit. His guys wouldn't kill anyone. Chloe shows him a cross-shaped imprint from the dead guy's neck. He doesn't say anything.

Dr. Martin and Archangel Douchebag chat over wine. He tells her to pretend to believe that Lucifer is the devil. This sounds like really bad advice, and I'm surprised Dr. Martin buys it.

Chloe thinks that the biker gang leader recognized the imprint and will try to meet up with the killer. They wait until he comes out and then they follow his bike. Meanwhile, they chat. Chloe admits that she likes working with Lucifer, but she's worried about the illegal contraband. He tells her that he'd never lie to her. She asks him what was in the container. "Russian dolls," he answers.

The gang leader meets with someone under a bridge. The guy shoots him. Chloe calls for backup. She helps the gang leader while Lucifer chases the killer through the streets of Los Angeles.

Lucifer follows the killer into a building. They reach the roof and he asks him who stole the container. Very good acting by Tom Ellis. Lucifer shows him the killer his real face. The guy jumps from the roof.

Oopsie. Lucifer actually looks remorseful about this. Kind of like a cat when the mouse dies.

The take the guy away and Chloe tells Lucifer that they found his container. They go and open it up. I contains a box full of Russian dolls. Chloe leaves, and Lucifer opens a secret compartment in the back. It's empty.

Chloe's ex shows up for Taco Tuesday. This was a subplot about the ex having a work thing so he couldn't show up for Trixie's cooking night. It was boring so I skipped it. The Taco Tuesday scene is cute though.

Lucifer shows up for therapy with Dr. Martin. She wonders why he's so upset now. He'd told her the items were not important. She says that sometimes we have to lose something to understand its value. Then she talks about identity. They go into some world building. Apparently, Lucifer is God's son and he was cast out to do the most important of jobs. Dr. Martin says it was a gift, an act of love. It sounds like she's trying to convince him that he's not really an evil being. He's just an angel with a really sucky job. Lucifer is skeptical and I don't blame him. Dr. Martin tells him to embrace all that he is, and he says he can't "because they were stolen from him."

Cut to Lucifer's apartment. He leans over the balcony overlooking the city, shirtless. Maze walks up behind him. The camera focuses on the scars on his back.

"Someone's got them, Mazikeen. Someone's got my wings."

Cut to the wings, bloody stumps and all, hanging on someone's wall as a trophy.

This was fantastic. I loved this episode. LOVED. I'm really looking forward to the next one. The whole "not the Devil, just an angel" angel is intriguing. In the Judeo-Christian mythos Lucifer led a rebellion against his creator and was thus consigned to hell. That idea is pretty central to the entity, note Milton's "better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven" line. The show seems to sweep that aside. Here, Lucifer didn't rebel. He was assigned Hell. This, along with the whole "justice for the wicked" blabbing in the past couple of episodes seems to indicate that he's being spun as an angel of justice type. I'm not particularly thrilled by this (I liked Gaiman's nihilistic devil better), but I'm willing to see where it leads.

All pictures belong to Fox Entertainment.

Lucifer Recap, Episode 4 of Season 1.

Chloe is in the shower (gorgeous tile, btw). She hears a noise, grabs a gun and a towel and heads out. She finds Lucifer making breakfast. Her towel falls to the floor. Banter ensues.

Lucifer, disturbed by the incident, goes to visit Dr. Martin. She's with a patient, though. It's a funny scene. Very enjoyable.

Detective Ex-husband brings Chloe a case. It's a missing girl and I'm already losing interest. Something, something...player subculture...geeks...something. Chloe needs to go undercover because the events are exclusive.

Wait, what? No, they're not. The Pick-Up Artists are a financial scam. If you can pay, you can get in. What, the LAPD can't comp a $3000 ticket for a geeky officer to attend? Apparently not. Lucifer, however, is on the "exclusive" list so he's can get Chloe in.

Okey-dokey. Whatever. I've given up on these little mysteries by now.

Back to Lucifer's therapy session. Dr. Martin tells him that he's given Chloe too much power and he has to get take his power back. Lucifer, being Lucifer, concludes that he has to get her to sleep with him.

Now this is more like it.

Chloe asks Lucifer to get her into the player event. He agrees because it's an opportunity to seduce her.

"When Hell freezes over," Chloe says.
"I can arrange that," Lucifer replies.

This is why I love this show.

They go to the event. The victim's brother shows up and makes a scene. There's a really cute scene with one of the security guards. The brother tells them that his sister was killed by the Player Guy. They stay at the event and investigate. There's some banter and stuff. Lucifer outs Chloe as a cop and they get kicked out.

I'm bored now.

Luckily the next scene is Maze beating up Archangel Douchebag. It is fantastic.

Chloe visits Lucifer in his condo. He's naked. Lucifer is all cocky and seductive until Chloe tries to touch the scars on his back. Things get real at that point. This is a great scene. The actors do a fabulous job and Chloe's facial expressions are amazing.

Lucifer convinces the Player to do his next event at Lux, his club. He buys Chloe a sexy red dress (amazing dress!). The Player guy recognizes Lucifer and pulls out a gun. Maze disarms him. Player guy tells them that the girl was his girlfriend and that she was kidnapped. Lucifer is, once again, appalled at the fact that this guy is also a fake. He pretends to be an alpha buy who loves them and leaves them, but is, instead, a mushy guy in love with his girl. I'm not sure why there's a problem with this, but, apparently, there is one. Lucifer hates fakes.

Lucifer grabs the Player's phone, calls the kidnappers, and arranges for a transfer. I like this. It's a good strategy. He even admits that he's doing it to impress Chloe.

Chloe thinks this is stupid, but Lucifer reminds her that he's immortal.

The transfer takes place in an abandoned warehouse/factory. There's cute banter. Lucifer keeps mentioning his immortality, particularly his resistance to bullets. This leads me to believe that he's getting shot in a couple of minutes. The Player guy shows up and they follow him into the warehouse.

A guy in a face mask asks for the money. They give him the money and ask to see the girl. The guy refuses to comply and the Player guy pulls out a gun.

Player guy gets shot and falls to the floor. The shooter is the kidnapped girl. Turns out it was all a plot to punish Player guy for dumping her some years ago when he was writing his book. This is somewhat unsatisfying.

There's a lot of talk of punishment and stuff. Chloe comes in. Yada, yada. She shoots Lucifer (I'm not sure why) and it actually hurts him. It's a funny scene, but kind of random.

The police arrive and the fake kidnap victim and her brother are arrested. Player guy has learned an important lesson. End of investigation.

Cute scene between Chloe and her daughter. I like Trixie. She's a fantastic character.

Cut to the club, where Lucifer seems really excited about getting shot for real. Maze rolls her eyes.
I'm with Maze. I don't get what's going on and I'm starting to get frustrated with the mysteries and the metaphysical worldbuilding.

If this were a Neil Gaiman comic book, Archangel Douchebag would kidnap Trixie and take her to Hell. Lucifer would have to return home to rescue her and Chloe and Maze would go with him. Douchebag would capture Lucifer and try to force him to become King of Hell again. Trixie would rescue Lucifer with the help of a pack of hellhounds she'd tamed. Trixie would become the Queen of Hell. Maze would be her vizier. Chloe and Lucifer would come back to Earth and live happily ever after.

There would be no crappy murder mysteries. It would be all banter and funny lines.

There, I fixed the show.

Lucifer's Los Angeles Penthouse

Let's face it. Things have been hard in the paranormal real estate world lately. There was the fabulous house in Witches of East End, which I loved. Then there was the awesome werewolf lodge in Bitten. After that, there was...

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Until now.

Now, after a long and painful drought, we have...Lucifer.

The show is funny and witty. The concept is Castle, but with Satan as Richard Castle. Yes, I know it's supposedly based on the Vertigo comic book series, but, let's be honest, it bears little resemblance to those books.

As in the comic books, Lucifer leaves Hell to become a nightclub owner, but, unlike the comics, he also decides to solve crimes with a sexy sidekick. The show is a lot of fun, but the best part is the sets.

So, without further ado, I leave you with Satan's very own L.A. penthouse.

The apartment decor is very interesting. The most eye-catching feature is the antique stone walls with Sumerian engravings. It's the first thing you see when you walk in. They are framed by a piano and a huge bar.

Here's a closer look at the walls. There's a flowery mural that references (I guess? Because Lucifer doesn't strike me as the flowery type?) Eden. There's also a bowl of apples on the piano. I guess they are souvenirs from Lucifer's glory days.

The choice of decor is interesting. There is no medieval-style representations. There is no Hieronymus Bosch. This Lucifer is more of a pre-Christian Middle Eastern deity. It's interesting. As a folk and myth nerd, I wish they would walk us through the decor choices.

Here's the bar, which is huge and has color-coordinated bottle labels. I wonder if Maze was in charge of matching the labels?

Overall, I like the set concept very much. It presents Lucifer as, primarily, a sybarite interested in worldly pleasures like alcohol, sex, and music.

Then a rival angel arrives. I don't remember this guy's name so I'll refer to him as The Guy Who Used to Be in Buffy or TGWUtBiB.

When TGWUtBiB arrives the camera turns to the view from Lucifer's apartment. I like this shot, because it's not about pleasure any more. It's about power.

The view, btw, is fantastic.

Lucifer crosses the apartment to sit down in front of his visitor. This would usually be a position of relative weakness or vulnerability, but...

It also places him in front of his library. The books are next to one of the Sumerian murals. Suddenly, Lucifer doesn't look so weak anymore. He is flanked by symbols of his power and knowledge.

Very clever.

Here's another shot, focusing on the view. Very cool.

I'm not entirely sold on the concept behind the series. Lucifer becomes a criminal detective...why? Because he likes punishing the wicked? Wouldn't he be better off in Hell, then? I mean, that's pretty much the concept behind the place, isn't it?

But the show is smart and the writing is good. So I'll keep watching. What about you?

If you liked this post, you'll love the one I did on Chloe's beach cottage. You can also check out my collection of paranormal real estate posts, including the house from Witches of East End (one of my favorite sets EVER) and the werewolf lodge from Bitten.

And, if you like villainous characters, you should check out my book, Snowbound with Ghost. The hero, Sebastian, is a Hollywood actor who specializes in movie villains. He comes back home after a movie shoot and finds himself stranded with his alluring ex-girlfriend, the girl who betrayed him. What comes next isn't Satan-level mayhem, but it comes close.

All images belong to Fox Entertainment (except for the Snowbound With Ghost cover, which belongs to me).

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Loch Ness monster erotica. Yay or Nay?

About stacking book promotions.

Montmatre's "Hell" cabaret. This is pretty cool. I have to use it in a book sometime.

Sometimes writing is disappointing.

The organized writer: making a production and marketing bible. I have to build one of these. I've been rushing through my new releases and haven't had time to do so. This time, I plan to take the My Ghostly Valentine release nice and slow. That way I should be able to make some check sheets to use for next time.

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Have publishers shot themselves in the foot with costly ebooks? I suspect so. My husband freaked out this weekend when he realized that the Kindle version of the new Longmire book was $13.99. It was huge sticker shock. The effect will likely be delayed until popular authors release new books and their fans realize that prices have risen, but it will be there.

The Oregon Bigfoot Highway.

The Hot and Cold Book Categories for 2015. Romance is down 9% (yikes!) and Science Fiction is up   22%. I wonder how much of that 22% bump is due to Star Wars (and how much will it seep into other Sci Fi) The other big winner? Adult Coloring Books. I saw my first adult coloring book at the grocery store yesterday so maybe that trend is already supersaturating.

How to use Price Promotions to Market a New Book Release. Useful advice from Bookbub.

Haunted House Romance

I posted this on the News Blog as part of the Snarkology Halloween Blog Hop, but I like is so much I'm reposting it here. Enjoy!

As you might expect, I love haunted houses, and some of my favorite romance books feature spooky homes and ghost stories. Since it’s Halloween season my taste in books is suddenly very topical and I decided to make a list. Without further ado, here are my favorite haunted house romances. Have you read any of these?

Kresley Coles’ Dark Deeds at Night’s Edge. I love Néomi’s doomed romance with her crazy vampire. The New Orleans mansion (which she built with her ballerina fortune and loved so much she couldn’t leave it) was fantastic and the romance was thrilling. The fact that they couldn’t touch for most of the book made for some very interesting sex scenes. I love the Immortals After Dark books (I’m still waiting for Nix’s HEA!) and this is one of my favorite stories in the series.

Nora Roberts’ MacKade Brothers trilogy. These romances are set in Antietam, a town haunted by Civil War ghosts. My favorite is The Return of Rafe MacKade, where Rafe is restoring a mansion with the help of antiques dealer Regan Dare. Rafe and Regan are both aggressive go-getters and they have great chemistry and banter. It’s a great book!

Kelly Moran’s Phantoms series is fantastic. The books all feature different members of the Phantoms paranormal investigations team. The leader of the group, British-born Jackson Granger investigates a haunted New England house in the first book in the series, Ghost of a Promise. Kelly Moran really knows her technical stuff (she gets all the EVPs right!) and the books are very interesting. 

The InnBoonsboro trilogy is another Nora series and one with a similar theme. The Montgomery brothers are remodeling a haunted inn (based on Roberts’ own property) but love gets in the way. The first book is The Next Always and it features a heart-rending romance between Architect Beckett Montgomery and bookstore owner, Clare Bennett, the girl he’s loved for fifteen years. Clare is a recovering victim of domestic violence so the love story is sweet and tender.

I haven’t read Kristen Ashley’s Penmort Castle (or the rest of the Ghosts and Reincarnations series) yet, but it’s on my to-read list. How about you? Have you read any haunted house romances? I’m always looking for new books to read. 

Paranormal Romance Tour Book Review - Marilyn Vix's Beware of Warlocks Box Set

My next review is for Marilyn Vix's super-funny and super-sexy box set, Beware of Warlocks. The stories are all novelettes and, although, they don't have cliffhangers, per se, you do have to wait for the third book to get the HEA.

Never Marry A Warlock

Catherine Banks is a very pissed off witch. She's just found her husband, Richard, a powerful warlock in bed with her best friend Cassie. Her response is to blast them both with a spell and then take her luxurious Jaguar and take a road trip, as far away from the culprits as possible.

Her road trip, however, is interrupted by a sexy Australian hitchhiker. Catherine is sick of warlocks and a human fling, she decides, is just what she needs. But her nasty ex-husband is not going to let bygones be bygones and her road trip quickly turns into a high-stakes chase.

Never Marry a Warlock is a sexy, fun novelette with a kick-ass protagonist (literally, she magically kicks Richards butt clear across the room) and a vivid road trip motif (I want Cat's clothes, sunglasses and car!)

Never Fall for a Warlock

It's Vegas time, baby! Catherine gets a nasty shock when she finds out her human paramour may not be so human after all. She takes a Vegas tour to gather her wits, but finds herself distracted by a sexy Irishman named Liam. Will Catherine succumb to Vegas' temptations or will she find true love with her Aussie hunk?

As if this road trip wasn't fun enough, now we're in Vegas, magical Vegas, no less. The city is a bit different when viewed from the paranormal perspective. It's a lot more fun and exciting, for one. Catherine's still as resilient and adventurous and ever but her problems pile up and it's starting to look like she's heading for disaster. Will she be able to avoid it? I'm dying to find out.

Never Cross a Warlock

Things come to a head and Catherine has to choose between her freedom (and perhaps even more since Richard's plans are more nefarious than we feared) and her best friend's life. Can she come up with a plan to avoid a fate worse than death?

The series ends with a bang (and Elvis impersonators!) and it's just as surprising and hilarious as we expected. Lots of fun and laughs and sexiness. Highly recommended.

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When do you get hooked? Netflix knows and, apparently, it's usually anywhere between the third and eighth installment. I've heard some Twitter chatter between authors and people seem to think that it's after the second book in a book series. Interesting.

Writing tips from Sarah Maclean.

Self-publishing on a shoestring.

Have you seen SpookedLive? It's a live show in the UK where they recreate the experience of a genuine Victorian seance. It sounds pretty cool!

And, finally, my books are on sale through Thursday. You can get Must Love Ghosts for FREE and Ghost of a Chance for $.99. :)

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The best item to protect you from Sasquatch attacks is a camera. In other news, Reddit Sasquatch thread devolves into beef jerky recipe exchange.

How I made $500,000 self-publishing romance novels. Great Kboards post with lots of crunchy numbers.

Nigella Lawson makes Halloween cupcakes (or faery cakes, as she calls them).

Penny Reid's newsletter advice. Yes, I'm about to release a new newsletter. You should subscribe. You'll get the first Ghost Hunters After Dark story right away and the second one (Scottish Egyptologist, pyramids, mummies!) before the end of the year.

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Maybe you don't need a kickass first line. Good to hear since I'm not good at first lines. I keep working and working at them, but the hooks elude me.

Heroes and Heartbreakers has a post on romances based on Astrology. Pretty cool! One of my plot bunnies features an astrologer heroine (based on Susan Miller of Astrology Zone fame) so I'm interested to see if this trend has legs.

Is Ghost Hunters fake?

Penny Watson on staying outside the box. This is a really cool post. People who write different (quirky!) book can be successful too. That's good to see.

I've Dated Several...

Zak Bagans discusses his love life and gives me a great idea for a book.

I've been wondering what to do about Caine, the leader of PRoVE, Banshee Creek's paranormal investigations group. He's a biker with a Ph.D. in Physics and he's super crazy and super smart. I wrote him in as a supporting character, but he's become a huge fan favorite and readers are already asking for his book. Like, as soon as he shows up on the page people start asking about his book. It's insane. It's also a problem because I never expected to write his book and I have no idea what his HEA would look like. Now, thanks to Zak, the plot bunnies are starting to breed. 

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Mark Corker's ginormous guide to ebook publishing. The slide deck goes on forever, but it's well worth your time. Via The Passive Voice.

Lots of #RWA15 round-ups by Super Librarian Wendy, Suleika Snyder, Ana Coqui, Jeffe Kennedy, and Jessica Trippler (UPDATE: Jenn Northington). Wendy's observations are pretty interesting. She describes the prevailing mood of the conference as "tired." I've been seeing a bit of that online. Authors are expected to do so much nowadays -- put out a gazillion books, do constant social media, come up with perfect branding and killer concepts -- that people are getting overwhelmed. It's turned into a Red Queen race where we all run faster just to stay in the same place. I think it's good to talk about these things. That way we don't all develop Duck Syndrome. We really need to chill out, guys. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. :)

And, on my research front, here's why the moon landing couldn't have been faked. The Lone Gunmen  are returning to X-Files and I need to brush up on my conspiracy theories. Also, PRoVE's resident conspiracy theorist, Gus, needs some new material.

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Should you take the KU plunge? I always planned to go Amazon exclusive, at least for the first couple on months, but this KB thread is very interesting.

Rachel Aaron cranks out some KU numbers. Full length novels seem to do quite well in the new KU environment. That makes me feel a bit better about my main series being all 100K books. I was getting a bit discouraged with all the short story/serial gaming going on. :)

The Goosebumps trailer is out.

As is the updated Ecto-1. I have to say, the new Ecto is a bit of a disappointment. It looks kind of blah.

And, on the research front, this website has a great list of different types of hauntings and ghosts. Very useful.

Sink Your Teeth Into Shark Shifter Paranormal Romance (A Special #SharkWeek Post)

I love Shark Week. Yes, I know the shows are not exactly scientifically correct, but they're funny and cute. They're also mildly educational. Yesterday, I learned a new word: "chumsicle." Cool, uh? It's kind of useless though. You wouldn't see a word like that in a romance novel.

Or would you?

I did some searching and found a bunch of shark-themed romance novels out there. Some are adventurous and others are paranormal, but they all look like fun. So, in honor of #SharkWeek (and the upcoming Sharknado 3), here's a list of the best (only?) shark-themed romance books in Amazon.

And maybe one of them has a chumsicle.

Stranded With Her Ex by Jill Sorenson. This is a steamy category romance Biologist Daniela Flores clashes with her ex, shark expert Sean Carmichael during a perilous research expedition in the exotic Farallon Islands. Second chance romance, killer sharks and baby sea lions. Can you resist this romance? No.

Touching Paradise (Shark Shifter Paranormal Book 1) by Cleo Peitsche. Billionaire shark shifter. Permafree. Nuff said.

The Deepest Ocean (Eden Series Book 2) by Marian Perera. Fantasy Romance where the heroine is telepathically linked to her pet Great White Shark. The Smart Bitches review says it all: "...if you don't want to read a book about a woman who has a pet Great White Shark you are dead to me."

Love Bites (A BWWM Shark Shifter Romance) by Jane Rowe. A swimmer is rescued by a sexy lifeguard who is more than he seems. I seriously love this title and it appears that there is a shark vs. squids battle (Maybe even giant squids?). Definitely one-click material.

Love Across Waters (A BWWM Paranormal Shark Shifter Romance) by PK Greenford. Swim team captain with a secret. The Amazon reviews are full of shark puns and now I want to buy the book just so I can write a review with the phrase "has some bite to it" in it.

I already read Stranded With Her Ex (yes, I love marine biologist romance) and liked it very much. I just picked up Touching Paradise and will likely pick up Love Bites and Love Across Waters (I find the punny reviews intriguing) as well. How about you? Were you tempted by my shark romance chumsicle? (He, he, I got to use the word.)

Now I'm off to google shark cryptids. There must be something out there that my PRoVE guys would like to search for. C'mon, you want to read about Caine's bathing trunks, you know you do.

If you know of any other shark-themed romances, leave a comment. I'm always looking for more chum. :)

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I can't believe I missed this April Fool's prank by the British Museum: Proof of Alien Abductions Found in 15th Century Manuscript. Cue X-files music.

Michael Flynn wrote a book about medieval alien abductions. I'm adding it to to (quite large) TBR pile. Now I feel like writing Historical Science Fiction Romance. How's that for a gender-bender? ;)

Book cover fonts by genre. I really wish I'd had this reference guide while I was making my cover. It would have saved me a lot of time.

Vivi Andrews on author branding.