Link Fiesta

Apple is revamping the iBooks store! This is good news for me because I'm thinking of taking the Banshee Creek series wide during the summer. I'm doing one last sales push in KU to see if it sticks, and if it doesn't it will likely go wide by June.

Nook is also revamping. Hallelujah!!

Is the Instafreebie gold rush over? I'm experiencing this phenomenon too.

Best 2017 book marketing advice for authors.

We are getting a "feminist" Charmed reboot,  a "dark" Sabrina the Teenage Witch reboot, and a Supernatural spin-off called "Wayward Sisters." I'm really excited for all of these.

Lucifer - Season 1 - Episode 13

Season finale. Awesome.

We're back in Lucifer's penthouse. He's surrounded by police. Chloe is trying to arrest him and he's really upset about the fact that she believes that he killed the preacher. He's having some kind of breakdown and seems to be trying some kind of suicide-by-cop thingie. However, he disappears before the cops shoot.

Rooftop. Aminadel grabbed Lucifer before the cops shot him and flew/teleported him to safety. Lucifer is fed up with his little Earthly vacation and asks his brother to take him back to hell. Aminadel refuses.

Malcolm shows up at the crime scene and Dan hands him one of Maze's demon daggers held in an evidence bag. Oh, this is going to end well.

Chloe tells Dan that she thinks Lucifer is innocent. He wouldn't just shoot the guy, that's not his style. Dan agrees, but tells her that Lucifer's prints will be on the gun. He tells her that they need to talk.

Aminadel tells Lucifer that he has to find Malcolm and send him back to hell and asks for his help. Lucifer is very happy with this plan. This scene is fabulous. The Lucifer/Aminadel relationship is great, and the good angel/bad angel pairing is classic mystery TV fodder. I wish this whole show had been Aminadel and Lucifer teaming up to chase supernatural baddies. That would have been awesome.

Lucifer and Aminadel are in the latter's psychiatric office. Dr. Martin walks in and is not happy to find out that Aminadel tricked her so he could information on Lucifer, not happy at all.

Chloe slaps Dan. Yeah! Dan just confessed to the whole Palmetto/Malcolm thing. Chloe is upset and decides that she has to go help Lucifer. She asks Dan to help her.

Dr. Martin has an impromptu therapy session with Lucifer and Aminadel. It's hilarious. At the end of the session Lucifer gets an idea. Malcolm needs to get a new life and Lucifer knows exactly the kind of person who can get him there. I honestly don't get this leap of logic, but whatevs, moving on.

Chloe goes to Lux and has a heart to heart with Maze. Very cool. Chloe concludes that Lucifer will go after Malcolm and is worried that he'll kill Malcolm and then end up in prison.

Uh, okay. We wouldn't want Luci to go to prison, would we?

Lucifer and Aminadel crash a funeral. The funeral director deals with new identities and he's creating a new one for Malcolm. However, he hasn't been paid yet. Malcolm is trying to get the 100k for the new identity. He's going to see someone called Tommy.

Maze and Chloe break into Malcolm's house. They have really great banter with a couple of comments that seem to indicate that Chloe is some kind of avenging or justice angel. Chloe actually has better chemistry with Maze than with Lucifer. It's all fun and games until someone starts shooting at them.

The shooter is Malcolm's wife. She thinks Malcolm's gone crazy. They just missed him. He came to the house looking for money, but left right away. He said he was going to get a beer. Wow, Malcolm is dropping a lot of bread crumbs, isn't he?

Chloe calls Dan and asks him where Malcolm would go. Based on his beer comment they wonder if he's going to rob a bar or something.

Dan enters his office and finds Lucifer and Aminadel there, looking through papers. They ask him who Tommy is and Dan says that it's a brewery owner with a drug operation. Lucifer and Aminadel disappear. Dan calls Chloe and tells her that Malcolm is going to rob the drug dealer. Chloe and Maze head for the brewery. I love these two, they're like Cagney and Lacey, with better hair.

Malcolm is at the brewery robbing the drug dealer. Lucifer and Aminadel walk in and get into a fight with the drug dealer's enforcers. They enjoy themselves immensely. Man, this show would be so much better if every episode had a "Luci and Aminadel beat up bad guys" scene.

They separate and look for Malcolm. Aminadel finds him and Malcolm stabs him with one of Maze's demon daggers. Lucifer arrives and Malcolm runs away while Luci tends to Aminadel. Maze gets there and tells Lucifer to get Malcolm. She'll take care of the wounded angel.

Chloe shoots at Malcolm. He escapes. Lucifer arrives. Chloe points her gun at him.

Chloe tells Lucifer that she believes he's innocent. She has Malcolm's cash and he won't go anywhere without it. Dan arrives and tells them that they found evidence that Lucifer is innocent.

Maze takes Aminadel to the penthouse. She takes out the feather she rescued on the beach. She was planning to use it to get back to Hell (not sure how that would work), but she'll sacrifice it to heal her lover. The feather heals Aminadel.

Whoa, wait, the feathers heal? And Lucifer just burned them up? Man, he really is bad at this "now I'm a good guy" thing, isn't he?

They reach the precinct and Dan takes the fall. He confesses to taking the gun out of the evidence locker and giving it to Malcolm, who then used the gun to kill the preacher and frame Lucifer.

Chloe gets a call. It's Malcolm, he took Trixie out of school and is holding her hostage. Seriously, of all unrealistic things that happen in this show, a random cop being able to take a kid out of school without parental authorization strikes me as the most unrealistic. I know it's L.A. and their public schools suck, but this is ridiculous.

Malcolm still has friends in the precinct so he can make sure that Chloe does exactly what he asks. She has to take the money out of the evidence room and bring it to Malcolm. She manages to do just that, but Lucifer sees her and gets suspicious. This scene is kind of weak. Surely, Chloe knows that Malcolm will take the money and kill and Trixie. What she's doing is incredibly stupid. Lucifer intercepts her in the parking lot and she tells him about Trixie and how she has to get the money to Malcolm. Lucifer instantly figures out the weak spot in the plan, but he promises to let her go alone.

Yeah, right.

Hostage Trixie is fantastic. Chloe arrives at a hangar with the money. Malcolm disarms her. He lets Trixie go and Chloe tells her to go hide. The money is in the trunk. Malcolm finds it and then aims his gun at Chloe. Lucifer arrives. He pulls his little desire trick on Malcolm. It almost works, but what Malcolm really wants to do is kill Lucifer so he pulls the trigger and Lucifer goes down. This was not a good plan, Luci. It just occurred to me that Lucifer gets shot a lot in this show. He's like a bullet magnet. He could have grabbed a gun and shot Malcolm. Why didn't he?

Malcolm taunts Lucifer as he dies. Then he goes to hunt down Chloe. Lucifer bargains with God. He promises to do his father's will in exchange for Chloe's life. He as a vision of Hell (which apparently looks like an ashy Sprockets set, no wonder he left) and an open dungeon. He seems shocked.

God is apparently pleased with the deal. He heals Lucifer who then goes after Malcolm.

Chloe makes a run for her guns, but Malcolm gets a clean shot at her. Lucifer punches him in the face before he can pull the trigger. Chloe shoots Malcolm.

God also returned the coin to Lucifer, so Malcolm is now permanently dead. Good riddance. He was the worst villain ever. Trixie comes out of hiding. Yeah, Trixie, you're better at hide and seek than your mom, that's for sure.

Back at the penthouse. Aminadel is better, but Maze is nowhere around. Lucifer finds a broken bottle of booze and pours himself a drink. He tells Aminadel that Malcolm is dead. He also tells him that he spoke to God and stuck a bargain with him. Something escaped from Hell, something scary.

Lucifer's mom.

This was a great season finale. There was action and humor and magic. The Lucy-Aminadel and Chloe-Maze relationships are fabulous and the tension was high. The ending was a great setup for the new season. In many ways, I hope it's not only a season finally, but also a new direction for the series. I'm tired of the crappy L.A. mysteries and would be overjoyed to see the show turn into a glam version of Supernatural with bickering brothers chasing down demon baddies between family therapy sessions. Make it so, Lucifer writers.

Lucifer Recap - Season 1 - Episode 12

Satanists.

This episode is all about Satanists. Not modern day devil worshippers, mind you, these are the 1980s throwback satan worshippers. Very retro. I spent most of the episode waiting for a Tipper Gore PSA.

Anywho, we start with something different, the actual murder. Usually in Lucifer we don't meet the victim until it's a bona fide corpse, but this time it's different. A girl participates in a ritual (wait, are they speaking in Italian? This doesn't sound like Latin). There's some cool music. She gets killed...wait, no she doesn't...wait, now she does. Someone mentions the real Lucifer.

Cut to the penthouse. Maze is throwing demon knives at the Lucifer. She looks like she's enjoying herself. The knives don't hurt him though, except maybe Maze's demon dagger. He stubs his toe on a stair step which means that Chloe has arrived. She's dressed in an oversize overcoat and looks like Eponine from Les Miz. Did this show run out of wardrobe funds? She knows Lucifer has been avoiding her lately (because of the whole vulnerability thing) but she has a case that's perfect for him.

Chloe takes Lucifer to the crime scene. On the way they meet the crazy preacher guy from a couple of episodes ago who is with a group of anti-Satanic-ritual-murder protesters. Chloe and Lucifer enter the building and examine the corpse. The words "Hail Lucifer" are carved into the victim's back. Zombie Malcolm arrives and pretends he just met Lucifer.

Dan arrives is also here, trying to make up with Chloe, who wants none of it. She's too busy checking out the victim's subdermal implants. She leaves with Lucifer to check out the girl's home.

The victim's father is in her apartment. They find a ritual space in the attic with dead birds and entrails and whatnot. The victim's father is shocked, and, frankly, so am I. Unused living space in L.A.? Not likely, Lucifer writers, not bloody likely. They find a book titled The Church of the Dark Prince (written in English!) with and inscription that says to my corazón.

Okay, so it's a Satanic Church with uses Italian, English and Spanish in its materials. Globalization hit the devil worshippers hard, guys.

Dan calls in. He found the girl who put in the subdermal implants. She says that Rose (the victim) came in with a guy called Corazon and got the implants done. I almost die laughing at this point. There's no way that a man would use Corazón as a name, no way.

Amenadiel threatens Malcolm in a parking lot. Zombie guy shows him his new magic coin and says he's now #TeamLucifer. Amenadiel is not pleased.

Precinct. Lucifer is reading the Dark Prince book. He likes the sexy parts. Chloe is playing with the subdermal implants which seem to be letters. She thinks the letters spell something, but she can't figure out what. Lucifer helps her out. The letters spell out filii hircus which is "children of the goat" in Latin. Lucifer is quite upset. He can't figure out why people keep associating him with goats. I guess someone hasn't read Michelet's La Sorciere.

Chloe googles "children of the goat" and finds that The Church of the Dark Prince is one of the search results. I'm not sure why she didn't just google the church. Hasn't she watched Catfish? The church has a website with a newsletter and everything. Membership is $200 dollars which displeases Lucifer for some reason. Maybe he thinks it should be higher? Chloe tries fillii hircus as the password and finds out where the next meeting is held.

They go to the meeting place which is a huge mansion with cheap Target lanterns flanking the door. A guy in a cloak meets them at the door and asks them for the password. Lucifer "convinces" him to let them in and they find a ceremony going on inside. It's some kind of memorial for the dead girl. The leader (who has a very distinctive tough-guy accent) introduces the "real Lucifer" who turns out to be a guy in a goat costume. Lucifer is offended and interrupts the meeting, telling them that they are all losers and that this is embarrassing. The church members all applaud. They like being abused.

This didn't work for me. I guess the point of the scene is that everyone thinks Satan is a scruffy little goat, but, really, he's a sophisticated, urbane gentleman? This was cutting age when Goethe did it in Faust, but Mephistopheles was a long time ago. Lucifer has a couple of good lines and Tom Ellis does a great job with this scene, but having a bunch of 21st century devil-worshippers gaping at Satan in a suit is bizarre.

The leader tell them about the victim. She was obsessed with the cult, probably because of her creepy boyfriend Corazón (I can't with this name. I just can't). Oops, one of the ritual knives is missing. Oh, and Lucifer now suspects that Chloe is an angel and that's why he's vulnerable around her.

I like the angel thing. It's interesting. I don't like the Satanic cult angle, though. If this were Supernatural, I'd except a good story about how the loony cultists forgot the first rule of horror movie survival (don't read the Latin out loud) and ended up summoning a murderous demon bent on destroying reality as we know it. This is Lucifer, however, and I fully expect the murderer to be a disgruntled cult member angry because he didn't get reimbursed for the Capri Sun he brought to the last ritual.

Maze goes to Aminandel's apartment which looks like a Calgon commercial...one with vanilla-orchid bubble bath mix. They make out on Aminadel's four poster bed. Aminadel has the same twinkling string of lights that my daughter has in her room. It appears that angels are really into PB Teen-style decor.

Chloe's cottage. Chloe tells Lucifer that Corazón's real name is Mike Carey...of course it is. Lucifer interrogates Trixie, trying to figure out if Chloe is an angel. Does she have any scars? Trixie says yes, she has a scar on her butt where she was bitten by Kraken, Penelope's evil Chihuahua.

I love Penelope. I really hope she got to make out with an angel. She deserves it. I know Chloe's dad was a human cop, but, let's face it, Penelope got around. I can hear her now: It was a Barbarella remake, darling. I didn't know he was a real angel.

Anyway, Chloe shows Lucifer her back and he sees that she doesn't have any scars. She gets a text. They found Corazon, what's left of him anyway.

Abandoned warehouse. Dan and Zombie Malcolm are already inside, investigating the crime scene. Corazón's body is hanging from the ceiling on a kind of modified cross thingie. Lucifer's name is spelled out on some boxes with red paint.

Lucifer seems aghast at the sight of the dead guy. Zombie Malcolm asks him what he makes of all this. Lucifer says that it's been a long time since he's encountered real evil. What? Are you serious? We've had San Bernadino, Isis, Asad, the Ohio Massacre...I could go on. Does Lucifer not watch the news? Are Hitler, Pol Pot, and Stalin not in Hell? Why is Luci being so squeamish?

Chloe and Dan ask him to leave because he may now be involved in the case. Dan thinks that the kids died because of Lucifer's whole Satan schtick. I don't really follow this logic. The kids were Satanists before Lucifer arrived in L.A. Why are the police all suspicious now?

Lucifer goes to see Dr. Martin, upset because the police think he may have something to do with these deaths. Why does everyone think the worst of him? There's also the vulnerability thing which is bothering him.

I can't with Lucifer's whining. I just can't. So humans think you're the source of all evil? Who cares? So you can get hurt now? It just means you go back to Hell. You don't even cease to exist. You wouldn't even be stuck in Hell. Apparently, you can walk out whenever you want.

Aminandel and Maze are in bed. Cool, sexy music plays. Maze kind of, sort of, tries to kill him. She fails, but she wasn't trying to hard so it's okay. Aminadel is pissed though.

Lucifer walks to his club and finds the anti-Satan protestors in front. He has a fight with the crazy preacher guy. Zombie Malcolm arrives and keeps him from killing the preacher.

Back at the crime scene, Zoe finds a single cufflink with the letter M on the floor. Dan thinks the M stands for Morningstar and the cufflink belongs to Lucifer. For the record, this is the stupidest clue I've even seen in years of watching television mysteries. Even Scooby-Doo doesn't sink this low.

They return to the precinct and watch the news. The main story is Lucifer attacking the preacher at the protest. Chloe notices that the preacher is missing a cufflink and that the M could actually be a W that stands for Williams, the preacher's last name. They now think the preacher killed the Satanists. Really? Because it makes sense that a fanatic Christian would enact Satanic rituals? In what universe?

Any who, we're now in Lucifer's penthouse where Malcolm pours some drinks and keeps chatting and chatting. He sounds like he wants to connect. Lucifer is just annoyed until he realizes that Malcolm has red paint on his hands. The police were all wearing gloves so this must mean that Malcolm is the murderer.

This is probably the most disappointing murderer reveal ever. Capri-Sun guy is a better villain than Zombie Malcolm. Also, a policeman forgot to use turpentine to cover his tracks after a murder? How is this likely? This murder plot has more holes than a block of swiss cheese.

Moving on. Apparently, Malcolm lost his marbles after coming back from Hell. He wanted to kill the Satanists because they were frauds and he framed the preacher. He thought the murders would make Lucifer happy. Wait, what? I guess the point is that Malcolm is now a loon and he doesn't have to make sense, but this is very unsatisfactory.

Lucifer flips, but Aminadel arrives before he can hurt Malcolm.

Angel fight! Finally. Aminadel is angry that Lucifer sent Maze to seduce and kill him. Lucifer is angry that the guy that Aminadel resurrected is killing people. They pretty much destroy the penthouse (oh no, not the library!) and Malcolm escapes in the chaos.

Maze shows up and breaks up the party. She leaves them her demon knives and tells them to kill each other. Her presence, however, killed the party mood and Aminadel leaves.

Chloe shows up with Dan. Turns out Malcolm hid the preacher's body next to Lucifer's bar.  The police now think that Lucifer killed the preacher and Lucifer completely loses it. He is bitter because he is blamed for everything and this is the last straw. Chloe tells him he's under arrest.

End of episode.

This was kind of meh. Lucifer gets some good lines and there's a couple of good scenes (Trixie! Maze!! Dr. Martin!!!), but, overall, it wasn't a good episode. Malcolm has got to be the world's wimpiest, most annoying villain. He's just an unsatisfactory opponent for Lucifer. The Satanist murders are, let's face it, not that shocking. Having the Lord of Hell be completely appalled by two slashed corpses is a bit much. C'mon, let's get real. He's Satan, he's seen worse (at the very least, he's watched Game of Thrones). Lucifer's whining is getting to me. In addition, the stakes are too low. I mean the worst case scenario here is that Lucifer goes to prison? That people think he's a murderer? That Chloe thinks badly of him?

That's not enough. He's freaking Satan, guys.

This episode has really crystallized my frustration with this series. Lucifer's redemption arc and his romance(?)/partnership with Chloe are B plots and the series is trying to turn them into A plots. They're trying really hard, but it's not working. Chloe's "prove herself to be a good cop" arc fizzled several episodes ago. There's no motivation propelling these characters forward. Supernatural and Buffy had a lot of similar arcs and relationships, but the main plot was simple: people who hunt really bad things. Lucifer desperately needs that kind of main plot. The dilettante investigator schtick and the crappy little mysteries are not enough. The Lord of Hell going after unfaithful wives, conniving sneaker designers, and deceitful sports agents is just not that compelling.

The writers/showrunners think they're writing "Castle with Satan" but it's not working out for them. Frank Castle was a dilettante, true, but he was also a mystery novelist, eager to prove that his storytelling instincts applied to real crimes. Lucifer has no such motivation. We never really know why he's so into the detective schtick. Is he trying to mete out justice/punishment? Then staying in Hell would probably be a better move. Is he trying to redeem himself? Then he should try charity work. We never figure out why he finds Chloe so compelling and their "romance" or attraction or whatever the heck its supposed to be is pretty weak. The central premise of Lucifer started shaky and did not strengthen in later episodes. This is frustrating because everything else in the show (Maze, Dr. Martin, Aminadel, Trixie) works beautifully. It's heartbreaking.

The show has a lot of great elements (the fabulous cast, the music, the banter), but they need to rethink the "police procedural" premise. The precinct, Dan and Chloe, and Chloe's "cop with chip on shoulder" thing are the weakest elements in the show. Let's face it, it's pretty bad when Brooklyn Nine Nine presents a grittier, more realistic vision of police work than your procedural. The original Vertigo material was closer to Supernatural than to Castle, and they should probably return to that. They have two charismatic brothers (with a great Thor/Loki relationship) with monster daddy issues and a fabulous supporting cast fighting evildoers. That's what they should focus on. A strong supernatural villain (demon? rogue angel?), a couple of paranormal mysteries (more baddies escaping the underworld, for example), and a new storyline for Chloe (I've got nothing here) would go a long way toward improving the show.

Well, that's enough complaining. Luckily, the season finale totally makes up for this episode (and actually addresses some of my issues with the show!). It's awesome. Stick around for the recap. :)

Fave Tarot Reading

This is from www.urbanbaby.com. I cracked up when I read it. This is absolutely something Luanne, the heroine of Fortune Favors the Witch, would say. :)

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 9

This was an excellent episode. It was funny and smart with excellent acting. Kudos.

Lucifer gets some pizza delivered. Needless to say, the pizza delivery guy gets an excellent tip. ;)

Lucifer attends a session with Dr. Martin. He's disturbed about the fact that he didn't really enjoy his party. Dr. Martin tells him that he's lonely. Does he consider any of the people he spends time with a friend? How about Chloe?

Back at the club. Maze asks Lucifer to come meet someone. It's a priest. His name is Father Frank.

This scene was kind of awkward. The priest is here because he is worried about a kid who's fallen into a drug ring run out of a youth community center. I'm not sure what the Father Frank expects from Lucifer. He says he wants Lucifer to talk to the drug dealer. He says God told him to ask Lucifer for help.

This is a very unsatisfactory setup. Why does Father Frank think that Lucifer can help? Because God sent him a vision?  It's kind of odd, but I'll let it slide.

Lucifer pulls his secret desire power and finds out that the priest wants to beat up the drug dealer. Okay.

Lucifer asks Chloe to come with him to the community center talk to the drug dealer. He's not trying to help Father Frank though. He's trying to prove that the priest is a hypocrite. This is his way to get back at God. It seems kind of wimpy to me, but, hey, beggars can't be choosers. They find the drug dealer's door closed and ask the dealer's fat community center assistant some questions. Chloe peeks through the window and sees a pool of blood. She breaks downy the door (I love it when Chloe is badass!) and find the drug dealer dead. Lucifer is ecstatic because he things the priest did it.

Crime scene. The drug dealer was beaten to death with a base ball bat and Chloe found a voice modulator among his possessions. Lucifer makes a Darth Vader joke (awesome!). The dealer's underling tells them that Father Frank dropped by regularly to argue with the dealer. They question the boy that Father Frank is concerned about (his name is Connor) and he defends the priest.

Back at the precint, Chloe pulls up the priest's rather extensive rap sheet and notes that he's done nothing bad in the past couple of years. The dealer did have a restraining order against the priest, though. Lucifer leaves and Chloe tries to talk to Dan about their kiss, but he seems distracted. She leaves.

Zombie blackmailer Malcolm shows up and tells Dan that he's Dan's new partner. Woohoo!
He warns Dan that if he comes clean about the Palmetto mess, they'll both go to jail. He also asks for something from the evidence closet. Why can't he get it himself? Who knows? I stopped caring about this plot line several episodes ago.

Lucifer and Chloe go to church. Chloe goes to look for Father Frank. Lucifer sneaks into the confessional and chats with a woman who is having lustful thoughts about her husband's limo driver (Ah, L.A. rich people problems).

Aminadel and zombie blackmailer Malcolm meet in an underground parking lot. Aminadel tells him that he brought him back from the dead for a reason. Malcolm reassures that everything is going according to plan.

Father Frank tells Chloe and Lucifer that he went to see the drug dealer that morning and argued with him. Lucifer accuses him of murdering the dealer. Father Frank denies it. His alibi is the woman with the limo driver issues. Chloe asks Father Frank to come to the station for a statement. As they exit the church, a black SUV drives up and the driver shoots at Father Frank.

Still at the church. Father Frank's alibi checks out, and he reveals that he's received several threats. He plays a message for them, and the voice is disguised by a voice modulator. Father Frank says that it may a dealer known as the Spider (First Viper now Spider. L.A. criminals like their animal names.). This new dealer is very tough and ruthless. Chloe tells the priest that he needs to move to a safe space. Lucifer says that he knows just the place.

The safe space is Lux and it involves nun strippers. Father Frank isn't very interested in the strippers, but he likes the music. Turns out he used to be a piano player for a rock band, so he's used to the club scene. Connor's dad was part of his touring group. Connor's parents and Father Frank's daughter died in the same car accident. That made Father Frank enter the church.

Lucifer wonders why he wasn't angry at God. Father Frank has trouble explaining it. Somehow, they end up doing a "Devil Goes Down to Georgia" style piano duel. It's fabulous!

Lucifer and Chloe go off to investigate the Spider guy. Chloe teases him about being friends with a priest. Lucifer seems embarrassed. They find the girl from the community center. She gives a pack of cash to Connor who recognizes Chloe and takes out a gun and starts shooting in the air. Chloe concludes that Connor is the Spider. I'm having trouble reconciling the troubled teen with a tough and ruthless dealer, but whatevs. The Lucifer crime plots are always odd.

Father Frank doesn't think that Connor is the Spider. He thinks he just needs help. Lucifer asks him how he can have faith in this boy? The priest tells him that God had faith in everyone. Lucifer is skeptical. Father Frank gets a phone call and leaves. Like, he just gets up and exits the room. Lucifer kind of sucks at this whole "keep the witness alive" thing.

Dan brings Malcolm a revolver. It's the stuff from the evidence closet.

Chloe arrives and notices that Father Frank is gone. Maze tells them that he was on the phone with someone called Connor and left. They deduce that he's meeting Connor at the church.

At the church, Connor is threatening the priest with a gun. He's not alone though. The fat guy from the community center, the dead drug dealer's assistant is egging him on. He's the real Spider. Connor doesn't want to hurt the priest so the Spider shoots him. The priest tries to safe Connor and gets shot.

Lucifer tries to save the priest, but it doesn't work. Father Frank says that he didn't understand why God put Lucifer in his path. Now he knows that God really put him in Lucifer's path. He tells Lucifer to remember that God has a plan. Then he dies. Lucifer grabs the Spider by the throat and chokes him. Chloe tells him that Father Frank wouldn't want this and he stops.

Outside the church. Chloe and Lucifer watch as Father Frank's body is wheeled out. She tells Lucifer that Connor is cooperating and will likely get a second chance.

Lucifer heads to his penthouse balcony and indulges into some theologically-incorrect raging against God. He's very upset that Father Frank died and tells God that the priest didn't deserve the suffering. He wants to know what's the point of it all. Well, the point is to get to heaven. That's what Father Frank just did. Duh. I'm not sure why Lucifer is so upset about this ending. This show has a lot of contradictory worldbuilding. If you're going to base a television show on the Christian mythos, you pretty much have to treat dying and going to heaven as a good thing. It's what Jesus did.

Chloe's cottage. She and Dan are sharing takeout. It's all very cozy, but Chloe tells him that she's too distracted to talk.

Lucifer plays the piano. It's a lovely rendition of "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Gorgeous. Chloe joins him, saying that she thought that he could use a friend. It's a lovely scene.

Malcolm is in a diner eating. Aminadel shows up and scolds him. He wants to know what's taking so long. He threatens to send Malcolm back to Hell. Malcolm tells him that he has an untraceable gun so he's ready. Who does Aminadel want killed. Aminadel tells him the name. "Lucifer Morningstar."

Great episode. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Lucifer Recap, Season 1, Episode 7

Well, this was a disappointment. Things seemed to be going so well...sigh.

The episode starts off on a high note with Maze picking up a guy in Lux. She ends up waterboarding the guy in Lucifer's hot tup, but, hey, that's Maze. Lucifer wants to know who stole his wings. Maze is fabulous, as always.

Cut to the police station. The Palmetto guy's family is turning off his life support. Chloe's ex wants her to stop investigating the guy so his family can get benefits. Chloe is stubborn and doesn't want to do it.

Chloe's cottage. Lucifer wants some help. However, he gets sidetracked because Chloe is so upset about Palmetto. They chat about it. I become bored. I hate Palmetto. I thought it was a cute backstory at first, but now that it's a real plot, ugh, it's just tiresome.

Lucifer and Aminadel at the beach. Lucifer ask him for help finding his wings. Cue dramatic music. There's some stuff about Lucifer wanting free will and cutting off his wings to achieve that, but other than that, meh. Everyone wears to much clothing.

Back to the cottage. Lucifer asks Chloe for help. She laughs but puts out an APB call for angel wings.  Her ex is also part of the investigation. Oh, goody. /sarcasm

They got the place where the corrupt cops met to exchange money. Chloe is trying to figure out who started the shooting. She can't make head or tails of it. Her ex gets a call. Someone found the angel wings.

Turns out the FBI is staking out a 'holy antiquities' auction. Lucifer's wings are part of the auction. The FBI is raiding the auction that night.

Lucifer attends the auction with Aminadel, who is wearing the most hideous tie in creation. Aminadel wants to return the wings to heaven. They are too dangerous here on earth.

Lucifer gets them into the auction by waiving around a coin.

Chloe's ex takes her to see the Palmetto guy who is in a coma in the hospital. There's a teary confrontation with the guy's family.

They get to meet the auction organizer. The organizer is not a believer. He just wants money. The coin is apparently the "Devil's Coin." I'm not sure what that is. I thought it would be one of Judas' silver coins, but, apparently, no. I couldn't find any "devil's coin" legends on the Internet, but there's a nicely creepy story about it on reddit. Frankly, Judas' coin would've been a better choice than this made up crap.

Aminadel fights with the guy and his security team draws out their guns. Lucifer calms them down by explaining that he's willing to buy the wings.

Auction time. Aminadel wants to know why Lucifer was so scared of the guns. Lucifer tells him that he is vulnerable now and can be hurt. Aminadel is excited about this. When Lucifer dies, he'll return to Hell and Aminadel's mission will be completed. The auction begins. I'm annoyed by the fact that the auctioneer talks about the "papal basilica." Which one? There's four. I'm also annoyed by the whole "stupid people believe in this schtick and are willing to pay for it" attitude. No. Medieval relics are items of intense historical and theological interest. You wouldn't mock someone paying millions of dollars for a DaVinci madonna, would you?

This is irritating. If you're going to write a show about the Christian mythos, do some research. There's plenty of interesting stuff out there about relics. Use it.

There's also a little joke about St. Paul being portly. It's cute, but odd. Lucifer wouldn't know Paul of Tarsus. He would've been exiled to hell thousands of years before Paul's birth. Several saints have encounters with Satan in their bios, but, Paul isn't one of them (here's a list, and another one, and yet one more). This is a small detail, but it's disappointing. Respect your world building people. Do your research.

Chloe arrives in a fantastic dress. She looks AMAZING. There's some cute banter (finally!). The wings are displayed and the FBI arrives. Aminadel does his stopping time routine. Lucifer goes to get the wings and gets a shock. They're fake. Lucifer wants to go after the wings, but Chloe has to take care of some Palmetto stuff.

Yeay, Palmetto. /sarcasm

Chloe goes with her ex to the Palmetto warehouse. To make a long story short (too late!), she figures out that there was someone else there, and that person was the killer. They find a secret passage and an L.A.P.D.  key that seems to confirm her theory.

 Lucifer visits the auction guy at his (very expensive) home, and finds his wings. Aminadel was the one who stole the wings.

Yawn. Lucifer burns his wings. Double yawn. This means he's committing to mortality. Okay.

Maze has a cute scene at the end. She cleans up the mess from the fire and saves a feather from the wings.

Overall, this was a disappointment. There were a couple of cute scenes (foul/fowl play!), but otherwise, it was meh. I'm bummed that the supernatural plot was lame and quickly resolved, and the insanely boring police subplot (Palmetto, Palmetto, Palmetto...ugh) seems to go on forever. The shoddy world building annoys me. The music wasn't that good either. Bleh.

It hope the next episode is better.

Lucifer Recap, Episode 1 of Season 1

I promised myself I wouldn't do anymore recaps. I should be focusing on writing my books. However, I couldn't resist with Lucifer. I have so many thoughts.

So, here it goes. The Lucifer pilot.

I didn't have high hopes for this pilot. I loved Neil Gaiman's Sandman series, and Lucifer Morningstar was one of the best characters in that series (Death, of course, was the best). Tom Ellis as Lucifer? I wasn't really convinces. Lucifer in the comics looked more like Alexandr Skarsgard. And I didn't find the concept of Lucifer as a detective particularly compelling. I'm not a big fan of police procedurals.

But I am a big fan of paranormals, particularly the ones with a contemporary feel. So, I tuned in.

And I was hooked. The show is funny and smart. I don't find the mysteries all that interesting, but that may just be me. Like a said, not a fan of procedurals.

As the pilot episode opens we learn that Lucifer has a fast care, a weird way to identify (and satisfy or manipulate) people's desire, a nightclub (called Lux), and a surly employee (called Maze). Maze, we find out, didn't leave Hell to become a bartender.

Maze is awesome. I could sit and watch her bitch forever. That could be a whole show in and of itself. Unfortunately, we don't get to see that because Maze's bitching is interrupted. Actually, everything is interrupted. Time seems to slow down. Maze expression turns even bitchier, which I didn't think was actually possible.

"You have a visitor." Words cannot describe the delightful mixture of scorn and resignation that Maze manages to infuse into these words. It is glorious.

They do have a visitor. It is the Archangel Aminadel (or, as I will refer to him from now on, Archangel Douchebag) who is here to try to convince Lucifer to return to Hell.

Lucifer refuses. At this point, they kind of, sort of explain the world building. The angels are God's "children." Lucifer was ordered to manage Hell. He didn't rebel and it wasn't his punishment. It was more of an assignment, a tedious one as far as Lucifer is concerned. Leaving Hell is actually his rebellion, and he may be punished for it. In addition, his little escapade may free a whole bunch of demons.

Lucifer doesn't care.

Archangel Douchebag leaves.

A gorgeous young woman bumps into Lucifer. Her name is Delilah and she is a singer. We get a whole bunch of exposition at this point. Lucifer helped Delilah get her record contract by introducing her to a record producer. She's afraid that she sold her sold to the devil.

Lucifer reassures her that she didn't. He's not interested in souls.

I'm confused. The whole collecting souls thing is pretty much the whole Satan schtick. I appreciate that the series is telling us that this is a different Lucifer, and pretty much walking us through all the differences.

Delilah then tells him that she married and divorced the record producer, who now wants to get together even though he is marrying a supermodel on Saturday.

Whew that's a huge infodump.

Lucifer tells her that she's wasting her potential and that she has to get her life together. She's doing drugs and partying and betraying her talent. It has to stop.

Say, what? Lucifer as life coach? What is this?

Delilah promises to get her life together, and Lucifer walks her out of the club. But, after the info dump, Delilah is no longer useful to the writers and she dies in a hail of bullets. Lucifer also gets hit but he's an immortal demon so it's more like he gets tickled by butterflies or something. He ends up flat on his back on the sidewalk holding Delilah's dead/dying body.

Fun times.

Luckily, the murderer's SUV is hit by a bus (LA Transit FTW). Lucifer resuscitates the murderer and asks him why he did it. "Money," the murderer replies.

Police show up and the show actually starts. We meet detective Chloe Becket who looks a lot like Cat from Beauty and the Beast. Another detective tells her that this is an easy case, the murderer was a dealer and Delilah was a user so he probably killed her because she owed him money.

Gee, even I know that this is stupid. Chloe seems skeptical, but the detective tells her not to dig in too deep "not after Palmetto Street." Chloe asks to speak to the witness.

Chloe meets Lucifer who seems confused.

"Have we met before?" he asks. This is interesting.

"Five minutes ago," she replies.

She tells him the detectives little theory, and he is also unconvinced. Hey, they have something in common.

She asks him how he survived the bullets, and he tells her that he's immortal.

Even more interesting.

She wisely decides that he's either a crackhead or a nutcase (or both) and leaves.

I like Chloe.

We cut to commercial break. The next scene is a wedding. Delilah's ex-fiancée is getting married (amazing church, btw). Lucifer crashes the wedding and interrogates the groom who tells him that Delilah had a rapper lover and he is probably the guilty party.

Lucifer then visits the rapper (at his mega impressive house) and interrogates him by dangling him over the balcony. At this point, I'm starting to lose interest. The whole mystery part of this episode is kind of lost on me. The music is good though.

Anywho, the rapper tells Lucifer that Delilah was cheating on him. Delilah's therapist is the only who would know the name of the lover.

The police come in. Chloe went through the dead guy's phone and found out that he'd called the rapper. The rapper says that he guy was his dealer.

The rapper recognizes Chloe who, it turns out, used to be an actress. Her magnus opus was a soft porn movie called "Hot Tub High School." That's where Lucifer knows her from.

This is a bit disappointing. I was hoping for a supernatural connection. Boo. Still, the whole B-movie actress thing is pretty cool (I use it in Ghost of a Chance so I have a soft spot for it).

Lucifer convinces Chloe to let him investigate with her. Blah, blah, blah...secret desires...blah, blah, blah. The trick doesn't work on Chloe. Lucifer is intrigued by this. He tells Chloe about the psychiatrist. They set off to investigate, but Chloe gets a call from her kid's school. She has to pick up her daughter who got into a fight.

This is where I fell in love with the show. Lucifer's scene with Trixie (Chloe's daughter) is sweet and hilarious. Forget the spinoff show with bitchy Maze. Trixie and Lucifer should get their own show.

But, moving on, the annoying detective from the murder scene is Chloe's ex-husband and Trixie's daddy. Detective Ex sneers at Lucifer and asks Chloe why she hasn't closed the case yet. Chloe ignores him and takes Trixie to her grandma's.

More banter. More investigating. We get to meet Dr. Martin, who is a fantastic character. Dr. Martin is carnally fascinated by Lucifer and spills the beans. It's a great scene. Delilah was dating an actor.

Lucifer crashes a movie set. They interrogate the actor. It's a bit of a dead end. Lucifer and Chloe bond. We learn about the Palmetto Street thing which backfired on Chloe.  Suddenly, Chloe gets an idea.

Turns out the record producer murdered Delilah to get her new record to number one. They go to the studio to arrest him and he takes out a gun. He threatens Lucifer and Chloe shoots him.  The producer is not dead, though, and he shoots Chloe and Lucifer. Lucifer, however, is not harmed by the bullets. He reveals his demon self to the producer then resuscitates Chloe.

Cute hospital scene with Trixie and Lucifer.  Lucifer returns to his club and is intercepted by Archangel Douchebag. Apparently, Lucifer's AWOL status could trigger a war. Lucifer doesn't care. He enters the club. Maze is bitchy. All is right with the world.

The epilogue is Lucifer visiting Dr. Martin. He needs someone to talk to. Dr. Martin needs sex. They work it out.

Intriguing. Very intriguing. I'm a bit disappointed that the mystery didn't have a supernatural aspect to it. I was expecting one of the rogue demons to be involved. The characters are fantastic, though, and the writing is witty. I'm definitely sticking around for more.

ETA: The music in this series is uniformly fantastic. One of my favorite songs in this episode is "No Rest for the Wicked" by Cage the Elephant.

New Year's Eve Sangría

"Y aunque para las uvas hay algunos nuevos, a los que ya no están los hecharemos de menos."

Mecano, Un Año Mas.

As you may have noted, I love folktales, urban legends, and superstitious traditions. One of my favorite ones is the Twelve Grapes of Nochevieja.

In Spain and many Latin American countries its customary to serve green grapes on Nochevieja (Old Night, a term for New Year's Eve). When the clock strikes twelve guests hurriedly consume twelve grapes. The superstition is that, if you manage to get the twelve grapes down before the year ends (when the last clock chime rings) you will have good luck in the new year. Also, if you make a wish while eating the grapes you'll wish will be granted. If you really want to have good luck you should travel to Spain's Puerta del Sol and eat the grapes there. Alas, those of us who can't afford that settle for listening to Mecano's Un Año Mas.

I haven't found a source for this custom. Spanish Wikipedia says that it started in the eighteenth century either as a way to mock rich people or as a clever grape marketing technique.

In any case, it's a very popular custom and one of the few Latin American traditions that I've seen gain popularity as the years go by. American customs like Santa Claus have taken over the holidays, but there is no American equivalent to the New Year's grapes.

So throughout Latin America the grapes have taken over. People now make New Year's Eve menus with a grape theme, serving cheese tray with grapes, grape tarts, grape skewers, and lots of wine (of course).  Martha Stewart has several grape recipes to choose from (I love the grape and couscous salad) and so does Food and Wine magazine (that flatbread looks amazing).

But my favorite grape recipe is (of course!) sangría. I serve this every New Year's Eve (with a bunch of grapes on the side) and it's always a hit.

Sangría de Nochevieja 

1 bottle of gold prosecco or cava wine (I know it's heresy but I actually prefer prosecco)
1/2 cup of Liquor 43 (this is a Spanish liqueur. You can substitute orange liqueur or brandy)
1 can of Sprite
1 cup of apple juice
1 sliced, peeled peach (preferably a golden color)
1 bunch of green grapes
1 sliced starfruit

Stir, add ice and chill.

The sangría has a beautifully festive gold color, perfect for New Year's Eve. Enjoy.

Happy New Year!

Paranormal Romance Blog Tour - What My Research Files Look Like.

One question I often get from readers is "how do you know all this stuff?" That's because the Banshee Creek books are a veritable cornucopia of obscure legends and folklore. Remember when Lorelei and Rory would go off on tangents in Gilmore Girls? My books are a paranormal version of that.

That means I'm researching stuff all the time. I usually post my research links on social media so you can have access to them if you follow me on Facebook and/or Twitter. Right now, there's a couple of things that have caught my eye.

This "Ghosts and Gadgets" video by the Morbid Anatomy Museum in NY, for example:

Isn't that fascinating? I read up on this stuff and, yet, I was not familiar with the Spirit Trumpet. It sounds a lot like the Spirit Boxes my characters use. I can't wait to put a Spirit Trumpet in one of my books. I also love how he speculates that the advent of electricity and the telegraph gave rise to the Spiritualist movement. Very interesting.

The narrator, Brandon Hodge, collects spirit communication devices and he has a website www.mysteriousplanchette.com where he catalogues his collection and explains the history behind the items. That site is going to be a huge time suck for me. I love early spiritualism.

I've also been reading up on the history of the Fairfax Bunnyman. It's an old Virginia urban legend that seems to have been partly true. Again, the theory is that the legend was a response to the rapid suburbanization of the area. There's even a Bunnyman horror movie, which I'm not planning to watch because, even though I'm a paranormal romance author, I'm too chicken to watch horror movies.

Finally, I'm really into Thomas Gainsborough's ghost cat picture, The Painter's Daughters With A Cat.   Isn't it a cool picture? Can you find the cat? It took me a while to find the grinning cat.

It's the painting that inspired Alice In Wonderland's Cheshire Cat. Isn't that interesting?

Well, I hope you enjoyed this little tour of my research files. If you want more geeky paranormal awesomeness, check out my Banshee Creek series or subscribe to my newsletter and get the first Ghost Hunters After Dark novelette, One Night With The Golden Goddess.

Enjoy the rest of the blog tour!